First, if it seems like it’s been forever since I last wrote–well, not exactly, but it’s been a few weeks. Reason being . . . it just has. Like having a shy character who is shy because they are shy, I haven’t done anything of late because I haven’t.
That said, roll on.
I don’t know why this is pissing me off today. Maybe because the political season has begun and Teh Crazy has begun full-blown. Maybe because I’d love to whack me some Conservatives who think playing whore to their moneyed pimps is a great way to live. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally become completely, utterly, and totally sick and tired of hearing about how “Liberal Hollywood” is corrupting “family values” and the end result of this is that Little Timmy is gonna fall in love with Little Johnny’s butthole and Pretty Penny is gonna have 20 abortions by 19 men and a transsexual when they all grow up if they keep watching TV or going to the movies.
Lets back up on that last shit for a moment. Liberal Hollywood? Why is that? Is it because some actors go out and protest the construction of nuclear plants, or spend a few hours picking lettuce with migrant workers, or get behind their favorite social program for the poor? Or, worst of all, they are . . . wait, here it comes . . . gay? Is that really what “Liberal Hollywood” is about?
Let me burst your bubble here: Liberal Hollywood is about a liberal as Barry Goldwater–though I think I hear a Teabagger out there yelling, “He was!”. Liberal Hollywood has two faces: the actors who are in the public eye and whom need something to get behind (not all, mind you, but more than a few), and the producers and a very few marque directors who are really running the whole damn thing behind the scenes. And it’s this last group of people who are only concerned with one thing: making money by putting your ass in a seat.
And if it means spending a bazillion dollars on a movie, consider it done. For example–
You may be unaware of this, but there’s a Transformers movie about to take over theaters for the 4th of July weekend. Now, I understand there are a huge number of people out there who love these flicks despite them consisting of bad or non-existent acting, racist caricatures that almost make Jar Jar Binks look noble (almost, I said), more shit blown up than you could ever hope to see in one lifetime, and Megan Fox’s ass (said ass now replaced by a that of a lingerie model ’cause–why not?), but who am I to say they can’t blow their $10+ (based on what they charge where I live) on mindless bullshit?
I mean, I like shit explodin’ as much as the next person, though I don’t enjoy it as much these days mostly because the mindless crap between the ‘plody shit drives me crazy. But there is one thing that really drives me nuts about the Transformer movies, and that’s the one thing that most people never think about:
The budget.
Making movies are a very expensive endeavor these days. Dropping $150 million isn’t out of the question, and if a studio spends “only” $60-$70 million on a production, they’re in danger of having said flick labeled an “independent production”. Most of that money goes into “production values”, also known as Special Effects, also sometimes known as the shit blowing up on the screen, and for the most part you do see the money.
So how much did Liberal Hollywood spend so Transformers fans could get their kicks? Well, that’s pretty easy to figure out, because in the days of the Internets you can look this up.
The first movie had a budget of $150 million, which again seems about average for a SFX-heavy movie these days. The second movie had a budget of $300 million, which is now moving into rarefied air, because only a few movies have approached Titanic-level spending. But seeing how much money the second movie rolled up, it was justified–at least by the studios.
And the budget for the third movie? Well, now, you may as well ask, “What’s the operating budget for Area 51?” cause the answer is very elusive indeed. There is no “official” listing for the budget just yet, and the best I could find was an unconfirmed report that the budget hit $400 million and was “still going north”, meaning the final tally is probably very close to the magical $500 million mark.
Liberal Hollywood–which, remember, is all about making sure our kids turn into gay atheists who love Muslims–likely spent a half a billion dollars on a movie about toys made in the 1980′s beating the shit out of each other. Oh, and destroying Chicago, but, hey: it’s either toy robots or giant grasshoppers, take your pick.
And when you add in to this mix the first two movies, you realize that these crazy liberals have spent a billion dollars on three movies. Think about that: a billion dollars. Your school system can’t get $150,000 for new computer labs, but banks lined up to fork over cash so robot trucks can be kickin’ ass while low-ballin’.
Hollywood is about as liberal as Wall Street. It’s all about domestic and international gross. It’s all about how to go about maximizing products and spinin’ the toys–I’m sorry, the “collectibles market”.
In the end, it’s all about the green.
I can think of a lot of ways to spend a billion dollars, an none of them involve CGIing a couple of robotic Stepin’ Fetchits. But then, I understood Inception ($160 million to make) and had no problem following it, so what do I know?
