Here is it, the one and only, my 1000th post. After nearly three straight years of coming here to share, with my audience and followers, my almost-innermost thoughts, I have reached a most impressive goal.
“What is the point? In the end it’s all darkness and misery, leading to a lonely, pointless death.”
Thanks, Frank. I knew I could count on you to bring the good times to the party.
At least there are others who feel differently . . .
“I already knew your inner thoughts and secrets–your passwords were easy to break, even with the encryption. You are a sad, foolish girl.”
Ray of sunshine you are, Lisbeth. Don’t you have a large Swedish corporation to take down?
What started me down this strange path? Well, to be honest, writing. Not writing a blog, however. No, not at all. When I first started this sucker I was going in fits and starts, and my postings were uneven. I had nothing to say, I just posted things here and wondered if anyone would read them. And frankly, I gave very few shits if anyone did.
What started me working hard on the blog was when I was writing my novella Kuntilanak. I wanted to get into the habit of writing, and it wasn’t just enough to work on the story, because I was afraid I would–as I had done many times before–just give up somewhere along the line.
Then came the brilliant idea: what if I talked about writing my story by writing on my blog? It’s simple: I work on the story in the morning, do a little editing in the afternoon, and at some point in between I’d set up a post detailing my writing exploits. Not exactly the greatest idea in the world, but it kept me writing my story–and it’s kept me writing my blog.
And how much have I kept writing. I went back and looked, and found that the last day I didn’t post an entry was 24 March, 2012, a couple of months short of two years ago. However, there were two posts on 23 March because of something that kept me from posting on the 24th. So it’s not really a missed day, just a day where I posted the day before. The last day where nothing was written: 8 September, 2011. Which, if you’re following the details of current work in progress, is the actual day Kerry is shocked so badly by the Queen of Sorcery, Helena Lovecraft, that he ends up spending the night in the hospital.
Coincidence? You tell me.
So much has changed since that summer of 2011. Since then I’ve been through three jobs, and I’ve moved for two of them. I still suffer from depression, but not nearly as much as back in 2010 and 2011. I cry more, but that’s because I feel more, I’m not cut off from my emotions any longer. I finally came to grips with my gender dysphoria, began seeing a therapist and came out, and now spend a reasonable portion of my life as female (as opposed to Life in Technicolor, but you can blame Coldplay for that).
Most of all I write. I write stories, and I write on my blog. I’ve sold one story and self-published two. My sales are crap, but I’m keeping at it. 2014 is the year I start sending more things out, because I’ve got a slush pile and a half waiting, and it’s time to move that monster. Talk is cheap, and I got bills to pay.
Yesterday and today I looked over my posts and my stats, and decided to list my ten biggest posts in the history of this blog. We aren’t talking huge numbers here, and with the exception of one time when I was sort of damned with faint praise by someone who said, “You only get about forty hits a day? I thought you were huge. I get more than that,” I’m happy with my few thousand followers who literally come from everywhere on the planet.
Behold my Global Empire!
Since I’ve always wanted to do this, allow me to offer up my own top ten.
Top Ten Posts of All Time:
10. If I Go the Plane Way, 8 November, 2013. 140 views.
This was about a set of scenes I was working one during the last NaNo, and how I used Scrivener to layer additional scenes under existing scenes.
9. The End Beginning Again, 5 January, 2014. 144 views.
This was about my idea file, and how something I’d thought about using for an old story in the file was considered for a much later story I wanted to write. This is the only post from 2014 to make my top ten.
8. Time Tunneling, 16 October, 2013. 148 views.
In the run-up to NaNoWriMo 2013 I went into a lot of detail about how I set up my novel, and some of the things I was doing with time lines. This was the third of my “October Three” where I had fantastic hits for three posts in a row. Just as I did layers of scenes, this showed how to do layers of timelines within timelines.
7. You Are Now Leaving Silent Hill, 22 September, 2013. 167 views.
My first “Daily Excursion” post after arriving in Harrisburg, PA. I ran up to Centralia, PA–which was once used as inspiration for the art direction of the movie Silent Hill–walked around, got pictures, and lived to tell the tale.
6. Preparatory School, 14 October, 2013. 207 views.
The first of my “October Three” post, where I show the lay out of what was to be my NaNo 2013 novel, and that is still my current work in progress.
5. Playthings in the Hands of the Arbiters of Decency, 27 February, 2012. 231 views.
This is the only one of my rants that made the top ten. It was about how PayPal was getting crappy about being used to pay for what it saw as smut, and how it arbitrarily decided to impose rules that screwed over a lot of writers. Things are much better now, unless you write monster smut . . .
4. Dancing with Demons, 4 November, 2011. 272 views.
The oldest of my top tens, this one puzzles me. I was four days into my first NaNoWriMo, hard at work on Her Demonic Majesty, and I threw this one up pretty fast. And for some reasons it has pulled in nearly three hundred hits. Must be the demons . . .
3. Done Ready, 21 October, 2013. 312 views.
A quick discussion about how I was ready to start NaNo 2013. I say in this post that I’d finish the first book of The Foundation Chronicles by 31 December. I think I meant I’d finished my drugs then.
2. Timelines and the Aeon, 15 October, 2013. 644 views.
The middle of my “October Three”, and the biggest by far. This is where Aeon Timeline ended up on my computer and I told everyone about it. Apparently a lot of people liked that.
1. Penultimate Daydream, 2 May, 2012. 645 views.
And this is another puzzle. Why? Because nothing much is said here. Well, actually, there is, but it doesn’t make that much sense. I was sleep deprived, I hated my job, I was almost hallucinating. It was the day before I turned 55, and the incident I speak off while dining, I did think someone I knew was dining with me. And then they weren’t, and it killed me. I’ve always wondered if there was some kind of bot that drove the numbers up. Not that it maters today.
The Rough Guide to My Alternate Chicago, 12 December, 2011. 120 views.
This was the first post where I really got into talking about the wonders of editing, and though most writers hate it, about this time was when I was starting to love it. And so I have to post my love.
Hail, Scrivener!, 31 July, 2011. 128 views.
The oldest of my posts with more than one hundred views, this is where I started talking about Scrivener, and how much it was helping my writing and my story telling. What was nice about this post was there was a comment from the Scrivener people, saying they enjoyed the kind words I had for their product. That was when it first hit me: there are people out there actually reading this stuff!
In looking over some of my old posts I saw likes from people who no longer blog, who have vanished from the face of the Internet, who I wonder about. Blogging isn’t something you stick with day in and out for years. I’m probably one of the strange examples, getting up every morning and cranking out my five hundred words, or more, before starting out my day. And if any of you who used to blog, who I used to see every day, are still out there following me–hey, I miss you guys. Hope your life is treating you well, because we all need that.
What comes next? No more special posts for a while, that’s for sure. If I do another, it’ll come when I reach my 2,500th post, which over four years away. And that begs the question:
When will I stop blogging?
Because everything comes to an end, doesn’t it? In four years I’ll be sixty-one, and I can’t say if I’ll still show up here, blogging every day, or if I’ll still continue churning out stories that no one reads. Or if I’ll even be alive, cause the next eleven hour run back to Northwest Indiana could see me flying off the side of the Pennsylvania Turnpike at high speed into a valley, all the time regretting nothing.
Or perhaps I will have reached my dream of being a full-time writer, and I can be like Chuck and blog to all the word slaves out there (the penmonkeys are his), giving them encouragement and telling them why they shouldn’t stop, because look at me, I made it.
I won’t be quitting any time soon. I can’t. I still feel as if I have something to say. But should it become time to move on and find my wide awake dreams elsewhere, I’ll fall back on this quote–something I heard over Christmas, and something that speaks to me of what can be the finality of change:
“Times change and so must I. We all change when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s ok, that’s good, as long as you keep moving, as long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me.” The Eleventh Doctor, The Time of the Doctor.
I’m not quite as good at The Doctor, but I do remember so much of who I’ve been these last three years. I remember the people I’ve known, those who’ve been a pain in my ass, and those whose friendship and help I have cherished through the years.
And I remember those who have left their mark on me in such a way that it will never be erased.
A thousand down, and still more to come. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.
There are stories to be written, you know.