Wide Awake but Dreaming

Slip into my thoughts and do watch your step


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The Need For Make Believe

It may not look like it, but that’s Iceland and Hatsune Miku in the picture to the right.  Oh, sure, it looks like a couple of girls in funny, costumes, but trust me on who they are.  I know, because I spend the day with them, and I’m familiar with their back story.

Yesterday was a day spent at a local anime con, and while I wasn’t all that much in a hurry to go–mostly because I had a lot of editing to do, and being there was going to take away from that time–I went, mostly because my daughter wanted me to go.

While I walked around a bit, and mingled with the otaku crowds–and even spoke with a few old friends that I hadn’t seen in a few years–I mostly found a place to sit, plug in my computer, and chat a bit while I snapped pictures with my phone and uploaded said pictures to my Facebook page.  And I wasn’t being a creeper; the one time I snapped a picture of someone else, I asked if I could take her picture.  There is a certain decorum one should maintain when you are at a con, and people–particularly woman–are in costume.

Otherwise you should stay home and leave the people having fun alone.

There was a time when I had my own anime fandom.  I like to tell my daughter I’m “Old School,” which is a way of saying, “None of the stuff I watch has been around for decades.”  But I’ve worn by share of crazy tee shirts, and sat through my share of films that, back in the day–aka, twenty years ago–were subtitled by fans because that was the only way you could see that stuff that, at the time, wasn’t suppose to be seen outside of Japan.

The only time I’ve every gotten into costume goes back even farther:  1984, to be precise.  It was at a Doctor Who convention in Chicago, and I decided to dress up at the Forth Doctor, complete with a twenty-one foot scarf.  It’s unfortunate that no pictures of this event exist any longer–the ex-wife has them all, I believe–but somewhere there is a picture of me mugging to the camera while I stand next to a Dalek a couple of guys made in there high school auto shop.  Good times, let me tell you.

Since I don’t have that picture, I’ll have to give you something else, which is likely to be a bit frightening.  So here you go:  me as Hatsune Miku.  Kawaii!  You’re welcome.

I wish my earrings had been longer . . .

There is nothing wrong with getting up in costume–or, as the kids called it, cosplay–and having a good time.  Make believe is what I do for a part-time living, remember?  Maybe I’m not getting into a costume every time I write, but I am getting into there heads.  In a way, I have to be my characters so I can deal with them, deal with how they are suppose to be feeling, and help them figure out where they’re headed within the context of the story.

You have to get inside their skin, put on their clothes, and walk in their shoes.  When I read a story, I can tell when someone has gotten into the mind of their character, and when they are just “writing them out.”  And I’m not talking about Mary Sueing someone; I mean when you have sat and thought about what the character is suppose to do, how they are suppose to feel, knowing their dreams and aspirations, their fears and flaws.  Particularly those last two, because what is a real character if they have no fears, no flaws?  I’ll tell you who they are:  someone named Mary Sue.  Please, you may love the ground I walk upon.

Getting in touch with an inner child is important when you write.  Neil Gaiman said it best:  ”Growing up is highly
overrated.  Just be an author.
”  Think about how much fun it was pretending you were someone else, and channel that feeling into something that brings a feeling of wonder to some place inside yourself that hasn’t been touched in a while.  Sometimes you gotta break out the imagination.  Some times you gotta remember what it was like trying to wear mom’s high heels.  As a famous doctor once said, “There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.

As for getting the mind limber and going to different places . . . Miku-chan (not me, the one at the very top) had reddish hair under that wig, and she said she wanted people to call her Pepper Potts–who, as we know, is the only thing that allows that drunk Tony Stark to do the things a normal person does–though I’m sure a fifth of Crown Royal helps.  Thinking ahead, I told her she should keep her hair color, and come to the con next year as Rescue, wearing her own powered armor suit.

If you look at the picture to the right, you can see just how fetching an Iron Pepper would look.  Who cares if it’s gonna be a lot of work to put it together, because if you show up at a con looking like that, you’re going to rock.

So let that cosplay flag fly.  Use it in your daily life, because we don’t have as much fun as we should, and if you aren’t having fun day-to-day, then what’s the point.  And let it come out and play when you feel the need to create something that’s going to entertain others–even if that “other” is only you.

And you know what?  I look good in a wig.  I don’t know about the blue hair, though.  Maybe something in a red, then I can say, “I wear ginger now . . . gingers are cool.”

Catchy line.  I should use that more often.


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Conflicted

As much fun as I poke at people who are often thought of as geeks, I’m right in there with them–for the most part.  I’m a gamer, but not one of those newfangled TV or computer games.  No, sir.  I’m a table top role player, the sort of person who sits down at a table with a bag of dice, and sets about slaying the dragon, or blowing shit up.  Usually the later, as the only dragons I ever met were in Shadowrun.  Happy elves and singing dwarfs make me want to slit their throats when everyone is asleep . . .

GenCon is going on this very moment.  That’s like the Lourdes of gaming for some people, and it’s always a big deal.  I used to attend GenCon back when it was in the MECCA Complex in Milwaukee, back when us folk close to Chicago used to sing, “Hey der, Ho der, Yah, hey hey, Stay in Milwaukee and Game!”  Back then there was a sort of funky, low rent feel to everything, almost like you were gaming in your parent’s basement, but when I was there running four games, early in the morning and late at night, I couldn’t have had a better time.

That’s all in the past.  These days it’s in Indianapolis, and it holds sway over the burb for four day in August.  It’s a good time for all, though given the state of the gaming industry, it’s not quite as–well, role playing-centric as it once was.  I suppose I could bitch and grumble like some old fart who keeps finding kids on his lawn, but no:  the future is here, and why get pissed?  I’m happy people are still gaming, I’m thrilled to see how independent companies have started selling through the Internet.

I’m not at GenCon this year.  2008 saw my last appearance, and the year before that I’d had such a horrible experience at the con that I almost didn’t return in ’08.  I ran games again, I played a little . . . I had a great time.

Then I was laid off, no work, no spare income, and GenCon had to wait.

Now, here I am, working, a little extra money, and yet . . . I kept saying, “Naw, I don’t have to go.  I don’t need to go.  Hell, I don’t even want to go.”  Yep, I’d decided I didn’t need the con this year, because–well, it’s not because of science, that’s for sure.

I blew it off, and now I’m feeling a bit of regret.  Not because going gives me an excuse to spend money, but because . . . I could use the fun.

There has been a singular lack of fun in my life for a while, and just wandering the halls would brighten my spirits.  Maybe I’d see some people I know.  Maybe I’d even see something cool that I don’t need, but want.  If I’d thought ahead, I could be styling in my Ponythulhu tee shirt, letting everyone know that Friendship is, indeed, Madness, and getting my gaming grove back.

I let work get in the way of enjoying myself, and now I’m feeling bummed as hell.

Never mind.  I’ve got my mind made up . . . next year, I’m coming, project deadlines or not.

And if they think they’re gonna stop me, they best make a saving roll . . .


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Where Has the Fun Gone?

It would seem the last couple of weeks have been among the most trying I’ve had in a very long time.  Let me explain:

The whole month of June–and the last week of May, I’ll admit–have been hard for me.  I’ve found a lot of repetition coming into play–get up, blog, go to work, be bored, come home, eat, chat, write, sleep–and very little else going on, save a movie or two when I’m back at The Real Home.  I did get my ears pierced–yes, I did!  And the last week I’ve been fighting an infection in the left one, which is really starting to drive me crazy, because I want it to stop!

I’ve still got his crazy thing in my chest as well.  I got sick at the start of May, and something has been lingering in my upper respiratory system since the middle of May, making it almost impossible to speak from time to time, and generally being a real pain in my ass, because I never know when I’m going to start coughing so hard that I’m going to feel like I’m blacking out.

Last night was the trifecta of screwed up.  I was stressed out from work, I was dealing with my draining ear, and my eyes were watering so badly there were times I couldn’t see the screen.  Even wiping them off seemed to do no good; they’ll just film right back up.

I should get into a doctor for all these things, but I’m working 150 miles from my doctors, and trying to find someone here . . . it’s making me a little batty, if you know what I mean.

There’s also this stress in my life.  Job is starting to get to me, ’cause I’m spending a lot of time trying to make a program work, and while I know how to do it, there’s just a lot of doubts about whether it will.  Don’t need that.  the personal life is nuts at the moment; there’s never anything going on here at The Undisclosed Location, and back at The Real Home, there doesn’t seem to be much beyond the routine I had before I started working.

Something else I realized, however, is starting to wear at me as well.  It’s The Waiting Game.

The Waiting Game is where you send out a manuscript to be picked over by a publishing house, all in the hope they will like it and decide to publish it in exchange for giving you cash–think of it as being like Aflac, only without a duck.  I’m playing The Waiting Game; I’m playing a double header, in fact, because I have two novels out.  One went out on the 25th of May, the other on the 10th of June.

Like it or not, the wait is stressing me out.

The one that went out a couple of weeks ago–sure, there’s at least a 90 day waiting period before they maybe even get around to look at your novel.  But the one that flew out the door in May, that one is starting to wear on my nerves.  I set it out, they wanted to see the whole manuscript, I sent it out a week later, and . . . nothing.  Yes, it’s only been 30 days since they got the whole shebang in their hands, but still–I’m waiting.

These writing classes I see advertised all the time, they talk about how to format your documents, and how to determine voice and tense, and all that stuff.  What they don’t tell you is how to deal with the feeling that your baby it out there on the streets, late at night, waiting for someone to pick it up, and you’re at home wondering when they hell you’re going to hear something.  And how to keep it from affecting everything you’re trying to do in the meantime.  Like write another story.

How do you keep it from driving you crazy?

I need some fun in my life, and in a big way.  Right now my characters are enjoying themselves more than me, and I’m going to make them miserable.

Who wants to have fun?

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