Well, I’m back into the cycle of not being able to sleep, as I find myself awake for about two hours now, and it’s 3:40 AM as I write this, so it’s safe to say I’m not sleeping well–again. The only good thing about this is being able to see some of the demented crap showing up on my Facebook page this early in the morning. These people are my friends? How did that happen?
So I’m awake, starting to write (but only here; my head isn’t clean enough to work on my story), and listening to music. Later I need to do a Skype test, because tomorrow I need to speak with someone via that medium, and I have a new mic I want to try.
Yesterday was a whole day of writing. Besides the blog post, I managed a little over fifteen hundred words on Chapter Four, which is starting to become a monster chapter. The big scene in it is coming up today, so I’ll get that dusted off and written, and perhaps get into Chapter Five after that. I think I can finished Chapter Four in a thousand words–I think. I have to see where the story is going.
Really, this story is going off wildly in some ways. For the current chapter I only had two images in mind, but so far I’ve covered one of those, a list of fetishes, and some swearing in Latin. I’ve yet to get to the second image, and once I do I wonder if another will come to mind–
Probably not. The voice in my head that is pointing me down this path seems to feel that after the last image is written, the chapter is finished.
That voice is my muse, but it could also be something more mysterious, like The Guide Vocal, which is from a song, in case you didn’t know. The Guide Vocal doesn’t say much, but it’s first stanza speaks volumes:
I am the one who guided you this far
All you know and all you feel
Nobody must know my name
For nobody would understand
And you kill what you fear
I’m down with killing what you fear, because I finally understand that concept from the point of the writing game. That’s, to me, the killing of your dream–because like it or not, writers fear their dream. We wonder what will come of this exercise some of us do daily; we think about what would happen if we make it; we consider the possibility that we’ll write and write and write, and little will come out of it save fifty thousand a year and the satisfaction of getting to do what you like doing.
But there is a dark side here, oh yes. It’s the always-with-you-fear that nothing will happen, that we’ll write and write, and at the end of it all we’ll have a hard drive full of stories and a lot of postings that show up on free sites. It’s the fear that we’ll have wasted enormous quantities of time, and we’ll remain hidden in the shadows.
I struggle with this every day. I always wonder if, with the stories I have on my computer, I should bother writing anymore, because I’ve only published two things, and they’ve not really went anywhere.
Ah, but this guide vocal is not my Muse. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s a completely different creature. For now it’s there pulling me along, showing me a path. I know, however, that in time the following will occur:
I call you for I must leave
You’re on your own until the end
There was a choice but now it’s gone
I said you wouldn’t understand
Take what’s yours and be damned
Of those last few lines, I have my own ideas what they mean.
Your mileage, however, will likely vary a hell of a lot.
Guide Vocal lyrics by Tony Banks, copyright 1979.