I’ve Seen Those Movies, Too.

It’s Friday the 15th of July.  Even odds says you know what I’ll be doing today.  No, not that–perv.  That’s tomorrow.

No, today is the day to bundle the family up in the car, drive to the local cinema and see the last Harry Potter movie.

Yes, for some it’s a corny thing, going off to see a movie about a bunch of wizards and witches involved in a Texas cage death match with Wizarding Hitler, his Right-hand Witch Lady Crazy (or as she’s called in my family, “Monkey Girl”) and their various cannon fodder–I mean, evil wizard and witch minions–but, hey, why not?

Because something hit me the moment I woke up, about a half hour before I began writing this (and, yes, it was early.)

With the viewing of his movie, I’ve seen every Harry Potter movie in the theater.  Not only me, but everyone else in my family.

Really, that’s a big deal for me, because while I used to go to the movies a lot when I was younger–read that, like growing up in the 1970’s–these days I don’t go to the movies much at all.  Before heading off to see Deathly Hallows, Part 2, the last movie I saw was Deathly Hallow, Part 1.  And the movie before that?  To be honest I’m not really sure.  I know there was something in there between Deathly Hallow, Part 1 and The Half Blood Prince, but damned if I can remember the name.

Why don’t I get out to the movies much these days?  Well, cost for one.  Even hitting an early movie puts an $18-$20 dent in the finances, and by the time you drop extra coinage for something to gosh upon, I’ll blow at least $35.  Today I don’t mind, because I’ll enjoy the flick.  Drop the same for Transformers 3: The Dark of Your Wallet After Seeing This Shit?  Not a chance.

It also made me wonder what other series I’ve seen in theaters all the way through.  What other movies have I sat through from beginning to end because I wanted to get the experience of seeing every film in a series on the big screen?

Answer: not a lot.

Now, a disclaimer: while a lot of these series I’ve seen not seen all the way through in the theaters, I have usually seen them in their entirety through the magic of TV and/or DVDs.  And lets face it: while most people will say, “You didn’t see (enter name of movie here) in the theaters?  You scum!  You could almost feel (enter name of special effect here)!”  Yeah, well, at home I could also cook up a steak sandwich, take a piss when I felt like it by pausing the film, and, most importantly, mock the shit out of something without worry that someone (I’m lookin’ at you, fanboy) might get their knickers in a bind and try to prove to their friends they have a spine.

So lets throw it out there, people.  What have I seen?

I’ve seen the first three Star Wars movies in the theater.  The first two I was dragged off to by friends, and the third one–the one that was a trap–was my second ever midnight showing, something my then-wife talked me into seeing.  Notice that for all three movies I wasn’t the one wanting to go: I usually got there because someone else wanted to see them.  Yes, I didn’t care if I saw them.  Yes, I didn’t care for them.  Yes, I saw the last three/prequel three, but only on cable TV because . . . what I said above about mocking?  Yeah.  Lots of mockage.

Of the four Indiana Jones movies, I’ve only seen the first one in a theater.  Second and third on TV.  Forth one . . . there was a forth?

Some might view this as sacrilege, but I’ve never seen any of the Lord of the Rings movies in the theater.  Yes, I have the theatrical versions on DVD, and I’ve watched them–once each.  It was enough.  Small dudes with big feet and hot elf women go a long way with me–though I have to admit, I can’t get enough of the follow scene:


Witch King:  “No man can kill me!  Ha ha ha!!  Mine is an evil laugh!”

Éowyn:  “Loser!  Behold my vagina!”

Witch King: *Dies gurgling in his own, um, blood.*


Yeah, gotta love that.

So of the “big” series, I’ve not seen more of them in the theater than I’ve seen The Thin Man movies on TV.  Some might say I’m betraying my geek creed by admitting that–and, yes, I am a geek, and was getting ostracized and, in a couple on instances, beat up over it, long before people held it up as a badge of honor–but that’s just the way it goes.  I’ll suffer the slings and arrows, screw it.

Which brings me to the point where I admit which series I’ve seen all the way thought in the theaters.  You ready?  ‘Cause here it comes:

The Matrix trilogy and the Alien quadrilogy.

I will cop to the follow: first two Alien movies good, last two succcccccccckkkkkkkked, the last one so bad I’ve never, ever seen it again, not even on TV.  Yeah, Joss: real hummer there.  Now, will I see Prometheus when it comes out?  No.  Not a chance.  So this string will break.

As for the Matrix movies . . . I liked them all.  Haters can go spin, I liked them.  Though I despair that Sean Connery did not take the part of The Architect.  The jokes would have wrote themselves.  (I also despair that Connery didn’t play Gandalf in the Lord of the Movies, but it’s a different sort of despair.  “You, boy-o!  You shaaalll not Pass!”)  And to put the icing on the cake, I also saw all of the Animatrix.

So, with that, ahm, stellar lineup behind me, today I see the last of eight movies in 10 years.  And needless to say there will be some sadness.  No one likes to see something good come to an end.

But, as a omniscient being once said, “I’m gonna miss you . . . you had such potential.  But then again, all good things must come to an end . . ..”

All good things . . . You know, that could make a good title for a last episode of something . . ..