It seems like when things can’t get any different, they do. Now, I don’t mean I have something different going on in my life at the moment: no, it’s the same old, same old. But it’s these strange discussions I get into with other writers and where they go.
For example . . . yesterday was a discussion day. I wasn’t doing a lot of writing–scratch that: I wasn’t doing any writing other than this collection of electronic musings. I was speaking with one of my writer friends who also has an interest in erotica, and we had a conversation on different methods of couples pleasing each other. And, yes, you can read this as, “How can you get kinky with each other?”
Because that’s pretty much what it was.
The ideas we came up with rather simple things: it wasn’t like we delved into things like bondage and heavy submission and domination topics. No, this was rather like a, “You wake up and you want to have a little fun,” discussion.
And fun in this instance involved toys. And I’m not talkin’ Tonka trucks.
The idea we had involved starting out with a nice rubdown–for her. Women love getting a massage, and when you do it with warm oil, be it baby or scented, it’s heaven. And guys shouldn’t feel afraid to go there because the lady friend you can have just as hard, or harder a day, than you.
So you get them on the bed, in a various state of undress, and you give them a nice rubdown. All over: back, neck, arms, fingers, back, butt, legs, feet. Just work that all in and take your time doing it. Let them feel every single touch. And don’t go for the sex part right away: this isn’t sex, this is sensuality, and it goes beyond sex . . . which my friend agreed with right away. After all, you shouldn’t have to go into anything with the expectation there’s going to be an orgasm waiting at the end.
Especially for the guy.
Of course, when you get near the end, that doesn’t mean you can’t go there. But how I explained it, while I have her on her tummy, all relaxed and happy, I’m going to go somewhere that’s probably really stressed. And in the process of getting rid of that stress, you give her an orgasm.
I mean, stuff happens, right?
But why end there? we said. And that’s when it was suggested that maybe what this moment needed–besides a shower–was to roll her over slowly, smile, get a sex toy–preferably one that’s going to fit very nicely in a particular part of her anatomy–and as you please her that way you show some love to her lips and neck and tummy and breasts.
Now, I can see where this might lead. One, some guys just can’t do this. It’s “romantic”, and it involves something that going to give them competition. Put that shit right out of your head, dudes. If your relationship is all about sex to begin with, then you don’t have a relationship with a woman, it’s a relationship you should be having with a Real Doll. Also, it’s not about your pleasure, it’s about hers, and you should be willing to go there–a lot. Why? Because you should, that’s why.
I think this is what comes of hanging with erotic writers and having an open mind: you can see how pleasure and closeness goes beyond just climbing into bed each night and hoping something happens–and that when it’s done one of you rolls over and goes to sleep.
Sensuality, to me, is all about the lead-up and not the act itself. It is about pleasure, but not just the pleasure that comes from getting off, it comes from all the little touches and the whispered words throughout a day between you and your special someone.
And if in the process of bringin’ the pleasure a vibrating sex toy comes into play, embrace what’s to follow, ’cause it’s likely to be lovely.
Now all I gotta do it write this up and turn it into a scene, because . . . damn.
It oughtta be fun.