Countdown to the End

This post, the one you are (I hope) reading, is my 196th post.  Which means, when I do the math with the aid of a calender next to my monitor–the same monitor under which my muse Cthulhu sits–I find that my 200th post will come on the last day of  the year, 31 December, 2011.

I have a place on Facebook–I mean, who doesn’t?–and a comment I made yesterday pretty much sums up my feelings:  “I am speaking unequivocally when I say 2011 can kiss my ass.”  I can’t stress how much 2011 has been the total suck for me.  Not that everything from 2008 on hasn’t been hunky-dory, but 2011 was one of those where I wish I could first up the TARDIS and just do it over, because the first time around was pretty much a non-stop crotch punch.

I shouldn’t say that.  There were a few bright spots, but they were few and far between.  One of the things that came out of 2011 is this blog.  Which, to be honest, almost didn’t happen.  I started at the end of April, wrote through May, and then June rolled around . . . and that was it.  Just stopped.  Why?  Couldn’t find enough reason to come out here and write, that’s why.

Now a days I write about writing and whatever else comes to mind.  I find I have more reason to come out here and speak my mind, or tell people about what I’m doing, and it does me some good to see I do have a few people who follow me regularly.  Maybe one of these days I’ll have hundreds of people following me all the time.  Right now I have . . . tens of followers, but they do follow me, and I love you all.

The writing has been one of the things that’s really kicked in for me.  I’ve published a story (and if you haven’t downloaded it yet, what are you waiting for?), and I’ve sold another that will be published May, 2012.  I’ve got one novel under my belt, my infamous NaNo Novel, which is getting closer to being completely edited, and I have a new Work in Progress, is which getting closer to being a completed first draft.

Yes, I have my struggles with writing.  It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and now, as I close in on 55, I truly hope this is what I do for the next 20, 25 years.  But I always have the struggle going on in my head that what I’m doing is a waste of time, that I’m never going to be anything but a hack, that no one really wants to see what I have to say.  I think all writers go through this, and the only way to get over this feeling is to keep doing what you are doing.  Maybe you won’t bank butt loads of cash and become the next Stephen King.  But if your last name ends in “K”, then maybe one day you’ll see your book on the shelve next to his, and that’s something any writer can savor.

Something felt different yesterday.  I rolled through 600 words on my WiP and finished Part 6, and then I hopped into the NaNo Novel and did Chapter 18, and 5,350 later I was finished with the edit.  And it all felt very good while I was doing both.  Yes, I had a little bit of an issues getting the words to flow with the WiP, but still–600 words came.  That project is over 10,400 now, and I’m feeling like the rest may just come with more ease.  We’ll see.  It’s a very personal work, and I think my need to “get it right” is what’s causing me to work at it slowly.

I’m still of the feeling that I can get the NaNo Novel finished by the 31st, but looking at the word counts last night that’s only going to happen if I do two chapters today.  Which I can’t do, but . . . this isn’t a contest.  If I finish up the revised draft on 1 January, 2012, maybe that’s a better omen for things to come, because that becomes my first written and edited novel evar, and that’s something to hold close to my heart.  It’s something else that reaffirms that 2011 was nothing but Teh Sux, and I should keep looking ahead.

What is to come?  We’ll see.  I want to do more stories.  I want to edit a monster of a novel that might just take more of the winter and spring of 2012.

I just want to keep going.

‘Cause the alliterative is too depressing.