Bittersweet Me

Post 199, and the penultimate for the year.  The name of tomorrow’s post will be easy; you may have even guessed it already.

As much as I’ve hated 2011, last night I felt like something was ending that has made an impact on me throughout the year.  As I said, some thing that went down in 2011 were horrible, mostly due to the crushing depression I felt.  Believe me, there were times when things got so bad you just wanted to find a meat grinder to shove your head into.

But there were also things that happens that made it all worth while.  They brought me joy and a bit of happiness when I needed it, and I’m very thankful for those.

Like all good things, though, you wonder if they are lasting.  I know one will.  I know it will always be there . . . but for the moment it’s in flux.  Right now it’s all different.  And how will it be in the future?  Who knows?  You can never tell what tomorrow is going to bring, and if there is one thing I know, it’s that 2012 will be a lot different for me.

I do know I will push on with my writing.  Though after the marathon I was on yesterday, today I feel like I need a break.  Finished up a part of the new story, knocked off another chapter for the NaNo Novel, and ended up editing some 20 or so pages for my story Kuntilanak.

Oi.  Did I find a few errors.  Not a lot; maybe 7, 8 of them, but one was so bad . . . jeez, I don’t know how we missed it.  But I’m not gonna beat myself up over it.  Just make some changes and move on.  And hope it’s going to go easier the next time.  We’ll see.  All I know is that idea I had about self-publishing a novel?  Not without a couple of people helping with the edits.

The biggest project I have for 2012 is going to be getting my first novel finished and edited.  It’s such a monster, and working through that sucker is going to take a large block of my time.  I also want to find a publisher for my NaNo Novel.  It looks good and feels good and reads good, and gosh darn it, I think people will like it.  Does that mean anyone wants to read this stuff?  Who knows?  But I want to see it out there.  I want to see people reading it.

And if I can get it published, I can continue writing about the characters I created.  I know of at least two stories that can follow the original novel; one idea that I had a while back while I was still in the process of writing my NaNo Novel, and another that I just came up with a few days ago, where I saw my role playing character, and his girlfriend, being a part of the world where my novel takes place.  I would love to write these, in particular the last, if for no other reason than I have stories I want to tell, and this is my way of telling them.

At least I have ideas bouncing about inside my head.

Just a matter of whipping the suckers out into the light of day.