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Pen Monkey on the Back

Just so you know, it’s cold in Chicago.  We’re having something today that we haven’t seen in seven hundred and ten days, and that thing is what we used to call winter.  There was a time when the temps would always get down below zero and the Hawk would roar out of the north, and we’d bundle up and deal.  Yesterday it was like this, and people were losing their shit faster than Alex Jones on a good day.  But fear not!  It’ll be back in the twenties tomorrow, and before you know it it’ll be sixty in February, and people will start bitching about how there was no spring.

I was on the Skype with my therapist last night.  It was the first time since October that we’d met, and we had a lot of catching up.  But the one thing she wanted to talk about, the one thing she wanted to know—“How’s your writing going?”

If there’s one thing I’ve loved about my therapist, it’s that she’s always shown an interest in my writing.  She started laughing when I told her I’d written another novel over NaNoWriMo 2012, and told me she was hoping the two novels I have out trying to get published got picked up.  I told her of my plan to get four things published this year, either via the traditional route, or doing the self-publishing thing, where I put my work up against Japan: Exotic Erotica and Big Daddy’s Present, the last of which has nothing to do with Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

One of the things she asked was, “Do you feel guilty if you aren’t writing?”  This is the first time anyone’s ever asked me that question, but it’s one that I know exists.  I’ve seen memes before where one of the signs that you’re an artist is that you feel guilty if you aren’t doing something creative.  I’ve read interviews where writers have said if they don’t get a few hundred words in every day, they feel as if they’re doing something wrong.

In the last few weeks I’ve begun to feel a bit guilty if I don’t some writing.  I’m not talking about blogging, either:  my blogs are my thoughts, my musings, so to speak, from day to day.  It also help me to continue developing my skills, to build upon what is there, and make it better.

But I also know the stories of writers who say, “If you have nothing coming to you, don’t force it.  Find something else to do.”  Read, draw, play with software, surf the net for porn.  Find something to do that keeps you in the groove, and let the writing come on its own.

I tried to keep from beating myself up these days.  There was a time when I felt as if I had to drag myself before the computer and slap those words into the system.  I still feel as if I have to do that, but I do it knowing it’s what I want to do, that I want to tell a story, and tell it the right way.  I’m not giving up these days, not like I used to.

Beside, I think I have fans.

And I don’t want to disappoint them.

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