Yesterday I wasn’t in the mood to write. Yes, I know: it always seems as if I’m in the mood to write, but that’s not always true. Yesterday was one of those days when the words were stuck in the back of my mind, and the urge to get them out on a page was ranking somewhere below scrubbing the sleep from my eyes.
It happens. You get off somewhere in the ether, you find your mind wandering to other things, other stories, and the urge to write sort of vanishes. With the things that have been happening to me the last couple of weeks I don’t find it all that unusual that getting back into my stories has been a bit difficult.
I sort of found myself putting around, therefore, and when I came time to get into Fantasies in Harmonie, it was a tough slog. Write a little, then a distraction. Write a little, then I’d see something shiny. Write a little, then think of another story to work on.
On and on, into the night it went.
Here’s the thing, thought: I kept writing. Though I didn’t feel like writing, I kept at the story. I’d do a paragraph, then something else for a few minutes, then back in to do two or three paragraphs. Though there wasn’t any grand “Write Like a Madwoman for Hours” feel, it kept going–
Until I finally reached a point where I said, “It’s late, and this seems like a good place to stop the story.” Once I checked out what I’d written for the night, the final word count was almost twelve hundred words. As I told some people later, it wasn’t bad for someone who wasn’t in the mood to write.
I want to get back into the swing of writing like I mean it. Sure, it sounds like I’m working hard, but the last year has seen me struggling through my writing. A year of steady writing, and it seems like I have to kick myself in the butt to get it going. I could point to several things happening in my life that make it that way, but a big part is that I’m wanting a lot, and I’m not getting there the way I want to get there. I want it all, and I want it now.
I’m being impatient.
I’m looking for that lost planet, the one called Success, the one that says, “Okay, you can write, and you can even enjoy it, and you can spend the rest of your life doing it, and you won’t have to worry about editors and ISBNs and publication platforms. We gotcha covered, chickie.” And I get up in the morning and pull up my Scrivener files, and I drink my coffee and look over what it is I want to do for the day–
And I write.
That planet is out there; I just have to find the place. It would help if my ship were ready to go–
Maybe I should write on up.