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Between the Lines

This morning starts out early like so many others on a Saturday:  sitting in Panera, my breakfast finished and drinking my coffee.  It’s almost seven AM and I’ve been awake since four-thirty.  I have a bill to pay today, and I’m thinking of heading down to a local hair salon and getting my hair cut and my eyebrows shaped a bit.  Tomorrow I need to do the laundry ’cause I haven’t many things that are clean.  I also believe I’m developing a cold, because there’s been a strange tickling in my chest, one that started late last night and it bothering me this morning.

Not an auspicious start to the weekend, particularly if I want to go out tonight, which I am still debating.

Why am I debating this?  Because I may want to stay in an write.

"Yeah, I could ship this Allison/Cosima story as is, but it really needs a three-way with zombie Helena to make it rock."

“I could ship this Allison/Cosima story as is, but it totally needs a three-way with zombie Helena to make it rock.  Yeah, seestra.”

I reached out to a few online friends I have and caught up on chat for a few hours.  I needed that because I was in serious need of decompression.  I’m back to not sleeping well and dealing with long days at work, then writing at night, which is working on my head in strange ways.

Believe it or not, this novel is taking one hell of a toll on that fragile shell I refer to as my emotions.  I’ll have to force myself to start writing, which is sometimes due to be tired, but other times it’s because I know, in my head, where I’m going with the scene, and I’m diggin’ the fact that I might find the conclusion of the scene a little heart rendering.  A few times I’ve had to stop and work out a full-on crying jag, and more often than not I’m on the verge of tears when I crawl under the covers.

The Crazy Tale of Annie and Kerry brings up way too many bad memories, and the scene I’m in now is going to bring about a phrase I haven’t heard in some time, and I know that’s going to lead to something I don’t really want again, but it’s coming, I know it is, and one just lets it happen if you wanna get the story out.

Did I think this would happen?  Yeah, probably a little.  There are some intense feeling between these characters, and my feelings about them are just as strong.  Crazy world, this writing.  Sometimes you get caught up in these young, mind-swirling desires, and if you aren’t careful you find yourself falling in and getting dragged to the bottom of the emotional ocean, just as surely as if you fall into the Corryvreckan Maelstrom.

As I’ve started before, some writers have said you’re only at your best when you’re uncomfortable about what you’re writing.  You’re putting yourself out there, pushing yourself to go places that one normally avoids.  That’s how I feel at the moment as I’m wrapping up this first act:  there are things being said that make me uncomfortable, because they bring back memories I’d prefer remain quiet and sleeping.  Won’t happen, because I woke them up some time back–

And they’re gonna stay awake until such time this novel is completed.

Yeah . . . fun year ahead, I can tell.

6 thoughts on “Between the Lines

  1. But will it encourage your growth as a writer? And as a human? At least you’re challenging yourself daily. And that’s sure to be helpful in helping you find your way to your next station in life.

    • I think it does help to make you a better writer. There are numerous quotes about how a good writer puts themselves out there for all to see, and if you aren’t uncomfortable with your writing, you aren’t trying. Sometimes these feelings are painful, but they are going on the page. And that’s what makes this a story.

      Look up the story Harlan Ellison tells about when he wrote “All the Birds Come Home to Roost”, when he was asked about something in a story, and it led to him needed to reliving a horrible moment in his life in order to write a couple of paragraphs. He also said it was a perfect moment in the story, and it was all because the editor asked the right questions.

  2. I’ve been writing a scene where the MC is telling her father about how ashamed and stupid she feels that she stayed in a mentally/verbally abusive relationship for so long–she’s out of it at that point, but the scene is a challenge because it brought up past memories. Putting myself out there in that scene has helped me find the words as well as work through residual pain I hadn’t realized was still there. I think it will make the story much better, but it’s rough.

    • It is. There are feelings, to me, behind the creation of these characters, and there’s something I’m going to say about one of them that was pretty much me for a long time, and I hate to say that phrase, but it’s needed. It’s never fun, but it’s necessary.

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