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The Deconstruction of the Wall of Dreams

There comes a moment when you have to pull out the last of the secrets and show them.  At least in this book, that is, because while I’ve presented a lot of secrets about my kids over the course of nearly fourteen months, there are a few that will carry over into other stories.

Right now, however, we’re dealing with secrets in the here and now.

Kerry is saying he’s figured out their final dream together, the one that both have had difficulty seeing, even with his memory block of their dreams removed.  It’s a big moment because it really defines why he lost touch with Annie, why he couldn’t remember all their dream moments together.

And how does he start?

 

 All excerpts, this page, from The Foundation Chronicles, Book One: A For Advanced, copyright 2013, 2014, by Cassidy Frazee)

Annie almost slipped away from Kerry’s embrace so she could turn and face him. “Really?”

He nodded. “I think so.”

“When did this happen?”

He looked down at his lap, avoiding Annie’s sideway glance. “After we fell asleep last night at the Observatory, I had a dream, and . . .” Now he met her gaze. “I saw something.”

His last three words had Annie wondering: did he have a dream, or was it a vision? She knew her rune dream was actually a vision, and while Kerry’s seemed to be more of a dream, one could also debate that something was telling him of a possible future, and reminding him of the steps he needed to take to get there.

Annie waved her hand at two of the lights and extinguished them; she felt there was too much light in the room, and she wanted things a bit more intimate. “What did you see?” No matter if it were a dream or vision, Annie had to know something about that last moment they shared in dreamspace.

His voice remained low as spoke. “It was short. I saw us in a fog, talking—well, not really talking, but—” His face twisted into a grimace. “I was upset, standing there with my hands over my ears, and I could hear you saying you had to go away . . .” He gulped softly. “That was really all I saw, but it was enough to get me thinking when we were flying back to the tower.

 

Something triggered him up at the tower.  Maybe it was falling asleep together and being in close proximity to Annie, and having things just chipping away inside his head.  He goes on:

 

“I didn’t go back to sleep right away when we got back to our rooms. I stayed up and thought about what happened, starting at the beginning, and then read through the books, trying to find answers to what I was thinking.” He pressed his face into Annie’s hair. “I remember, I had a bad day that day; my mom was yelling at me about something—I don’t remember what, but I remember I went to bed upset and wanting to see you—”

“I remember I had a bad day as well.” Annie’s voice grew soft and tender. “My father and she were going on about my attending Salem and how it was going to be great for the family to have another Kililovi there—” She slowly shook here head. “By the time my mother was finished I didn’t want to hear about Salem anymore, I just . . .” She held onto Kerry’s comforting hand. “I wanted to see you.”

“We were both like that.” Kerry slid down on the bed a little so he was cheek-to-cheek with his soul mate. “In bad mood and wanting to see each other. Only . . .”

“Yes?”

“When I saw you I knew something was wrong, and I felt it hit me. You asked me how I was doing, and I asked you. Then . . .” He swallowed before speaking softly and slowly. “You said, ‘I have something to tell you; I’m going away’.”

Now Annie did sit up and turn her head. “Wait, I don’t remember saying it that way. I told you that I had news, that I . . .” The realization hit Annie that the moment she’d had so much trouble remembering returned to her as if it had happened just yesterday. “That I have something to tell you; I’m going away.” The shock she felt flowed into her face. “I did say that.”

Kerry nodded while keeping his eyes downcast. “I know you said that you were going away to school in America, but that came after. By that time—” He closed his eyes. “I was already starting to lose it.”

The scene rushed back into Annie’s memory: Kerry looking sad when he greeted her; her telling him she was going away; the look of anguish that took hold as he couldn’t believe what he’d heard; she telling him in a dejected tone that she was going to America in a few months, that their sleep schedule would get changed, that she didn’t know how it was going to affect their dreams—

And the crying, the moaning, the hacking sobs as Kerry . . .

Annie’s breath quickened. She tightened her grip around his hand. “You thought I was abandoning you.”

He opened his eyes and a few tears dribbled from his eyes. “Yeah.”

 

Finally, just by getting that first little part out of the way, Kerry is able to remember what he saw, and so is Annie.  It’s one of those, “Oh, really?” moments when it happens–and because strange things happen here all the time, it’s not that unusual for it to come together suddenly.

But Annie remembering she came on a little brash?  Well, we are talking about Annie here.  And that leads here to what she remembers prior to this night . . .

 

Don’t leave, please. They all leave. Everyone leaves me. That was what he told her in the middle of his delirium during their night on the ward. Annie also remembered what he told her at the end of the first Saturday Madness: My best friend . . . and the only one who loves me. She understood the meanings of these statements: He feels I’m the only one who loves him—and that he was afraid I was going to leave him. She closed her eyes an saw Kerry in that last dream, almost screaming out his sorrow. Just as his Chestnut Girl left him . . .

Annie returned to the hollow between his arm and his warm body and wrapped his arm around her. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Kerry. I didn’t realize I was saying those things. Only—”

He continued to speak in a low, calming tone resting on the edge of sadness. “Only why did I forget?”

“Yes.”

 

Which is the reason that Annie’s been looking at for almost a year.  And because she’s so close to the subject, right on top of the matter, so to speak, she misses the most important part . . .

 

He pulled Annie tight against him, as if he were trying to merge with her body. “It finally came to me because of our meeting with Erywin in the glen. The whole things about being able to affect a person’s subconscious while in a dreamspace—

“We determined one person can’t affect another that way.” Annie rested her head against his chest. “So I couldn’t have done anything to you.”

“You didn’t have to.” He sighed. “I did it. I affected my own subconscious. Because . . .”

Annie didn’t wait for him to answer, because she knew the answer. “Because we didn’t know you were a witch.”

“Right. Neither of us knew. The only people who did were The Foundation, and they weren’t telling you, so . . .” He slowly ran his fingers across Annie’s silk-covered tummy. “I changed the dreamspace without anyone knowing. And in doing so, I changed my own mind.

“Remember in my rune dream the girl who was talking to me . . .” He reached over and lay his hand over Annie’s heart. “She said before I could give you my heart, I had to break down the walls around it. That’s what I was reading about this morning—”

Dream walls.” Annie didn’t mean to sound excited but the answer was so obvious. “You walled off all your memories of me and our dreams.” She turned her head just enough that she could see his pouting face out of the side of her eye. “That’s why you suffered déjà vu—”

“But why I’d remember things every so often—usually when I was really upset.”

“You were getting upset—”

“—Because I was remembering. Not just the dream, but why I walled them off.” He turned his head as Annie did, and they were almost chin-to-chin as his spoke. “That’s why I didn’t remember anything: because I didn’t want to remember. I thought you were abandoning me, but before you could talk me down, before you could reassure me that things would be okay, I used magic before you knew what I was doing. I put everything behind a dream wall and sealed it off.” Kerry bowed his head. “I did that because I didn’t want to live without you in my life—so I removed you from my life.”

 

What happens when you have a secret witch getting all out of their mind over something?  They run the risk of doing magic and screwing things up.  Just as on this operation they’re doing they’re worried Tanith will do something in public that will hurt others, Kerry did something that hurt him–well, it messed up his ability to remember something that was important to him.  All because he’s quick to lose it emotionally, and he didn’t know he know magic.

And now Annie knows this:

 

She heard the pain in his voice: he’s still blaming himself for what happened. “Kerry, it’s not your fault for what happened. We were both in bad moods, I approached you wrong, and . . .” She shook her head. “I would have made it better if I’d been able.”

He nodded. “I know.”

“I never wanted to hurt you; I never want you hurt.” She kissed his nose before lightly caressing his lips. “I think I know why I forgot what happened, too.”

“Because you realized, at some level, that you’d set me off.” He turned his head and sighed so he wouldn’t exhale into Annie’s face. “And in doing so, you’d somehow pushed me away.”

“That sounds right. I could remember you—”

“And you remembered that you wanted me back.” For the first time he smiled. “I got that part.”

“I did: more than anything.”

He pulled her close and kissed her. “Why did you want me to remember everything? Even after I feel in love with you again?”

“Because I wanted all of you.” Annie settled back into his arms. “I wanted you to return to every moment we ever shared, because all of those moment were the best of my life.” She grinned. “And you should know by now, when I want something—”

“You get it.” He hugged her tight. “I know.”

 

All better now–right?  It would seem that things are right in the world again.  And it’s a simple reason why Annie wanted him to remember:  because she wanted him back.  All of him.  Because she’s a selfish girl, and no way in hell was she going to leave him not knowing everything they did.

There is, however, a final revelation . . .

 

Annie closed her eyes and found herself drifting. “It’s funny, but now I can remember it all.”

“So can I.” He used simple levitation to adjust the pillow behind his back. “I think I broke down the last bit of the wall around my heart, and that probably affect whatever block you had.”

The implication of such a thing washed over Annie. “Does that mean we’ll share dreamspace again?”

“It might. One of the books indicated that lucid dreaming is easier when there are no barriers in your subconscious to hinder your progress.” He shrugged. “We’ll have to see.”

Oh, I hope it’s so . . . Annie drew in a deep breath and released it slowly, feeling cleansed after. “I’m so glad I had you read all those books.”

Kerry said nothing for almost five seconds, then quietly cleared his throat. “I wonder if it was you who had me read those books?”

“You know—” She barely turned her head as she gazed to here left. “What are you thinking?”

“It was our first day at school, I knew nothing about magic, we go visit the school seer—who we won’t have class with for three years—and a while later you’ve got me reading all sorts of books on divination and visions and dreams . . . With all the magic I could have studied, why that?” He almost whispered the question. “Didn’t you say Deanna had us in a trance?”

Deanna’s words in the hospital a few weeks came tripping back into Annie’s memory—You were in a trance for almost eight minutes: it was necessary—and it made her wonder what else the Seer saw in her vision on the flight over the day before. Did she see herself giving me an hypnotic suggestion to put Kerry on that path because she knew it would bring us to this point? “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not think about that because—” She half turned in his arms. “—I don’t want to imagine what else Deanna may know about us.”

Talk about secrets.  Is Deanna responsible for getting them to this point?  Breaking down Kerry’s walls and returning him to Annie?  Did she know this all along, even that first time when Annie came to see her?  Hummmm . . . I could tell you, but I won’t.

I will, however, leave you with my kids getting into something else here.

 

Annie threw her right arm over Kerry’s body and hugged him. “But we’re here, love. We’re together, we’re alone—and we’re back to where we were a year ago.” She glanced upwards at his face. “At least I hope we are.”

“We’ll find out.” He touched the towel. “How’s the hair?”

“Dry by now.” She untangled herself from Kerry’s arms. “I just need to brush it out and we can go to bed.”

She was about to slide off the bed when Kerry lightly touched her arm. “Can I ask something?”

Annie turned back toward him. “Sure.”

“Could I . . .” A red glow filled his face. “Brush it?”

She whipped the towel off here head and let her hair cascade over her shoulders. “You want to brush my hair?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because—” He looked down at his feet. “I never have, and now I can.”

“Well . . .” Annie’s hand slid over and took Kerry’s. “If you do this, I might get used to it.”

“But can’t do it unless we’re alone, so I wouldn’t be able to do it at school.”

“Then maybe—” Her eyes sparkled. “That will come after we graduate.” She slid off the bed and pulled him towards her. “Come along, my love: I’ll show you how it’s done.”

 

Uh, oh, Kerry.  You better not do that!  First it’s brushing her hair, then it’s fixing the cabinets in the kitchen.  Just you wait . . .

Last night was two thousand and eight words of fun.  Really, it was.  I thought I would be upset writing, because I was suffering some major depression, but writing about it pulled me out.  And now–

There's only one last thing for them to do before they gotta get to work.

There’s only one last thing for them to do before they gotta get to work.

By the time they get back to school they’re going to be completely different kids . . .

18 thoughts on “The Deconstruction of the Wall of Dreams

  1. I really shouldn’t overthink.The reason they had forgotten was simply Kerry putting up a wall and blocking it.

    It needs some clarification ,though. In that dream,didn’t Anni already know Kerry was going to Salem, too ? Before that,she was adamant i that she was going to stay in Europe, Edinburgh, specifically, so she could be closer to Kerry in Cardiff, and not have problems with timezones. But then, Annie’s mom saw Kerry in her vision, and that obviously made Annie go to Salem. So, in that dream, why suddenly tell Kerry she was going away ? Or maybe her explanation got cut off by Kerry ? ( Well, Kerry suddenly got emotional and started wailing and sobbing…. maybe Annie was shocked, like , WTF ? XD )

    The brushing the hair thingy…. maybe , in his subconscious, kerry wants to go into beauty salon business, too. ⭐ One of his talents, y’know. he’s even aware of Annie’s nail colors. Go for it, Kerry. 😎

    • Annie was NOT aware that Kerry was going to Salem until 2 August; their dream–this one–happened in the middle of June. Ergo, at the time of their last dream, Annie knew she was going to Salem, but still thought Kerry was a Normal. So the time line is still good.

      And, yes: Annie probably would have been shocked a little to see Kerry lose it. It’s likely he never did that before in front of her during a dream. Which is why she’d feel BAD!

      Or maybe Kerry just likes seeing Annie with nail polish. I heard purple looks good. 😉

  2. So, why did Annie suddenly agree to go to Salem , as early as June, if she didn’t know Kerry would go to Salem ? What made her agree ?

    A beauty salon would make Mommie happy. XD I can imagine what kerry can do to transform the uglies into Hollywood types.

    • The reason she was having a bad day that day was because her parents were talking her up a lot about going to Salem. Before the Dream Incident, she was going to head off to Salem, but once she lost contact with Kerry, she decides to change her plans and go somewhere still in Europe, because she wanted to reestablish contact. Probably the best case to make this clearer is when she speaks with Deanna (at the first of the school year) and then with Kerry (on the first of April).

      That said, she was going to attend Salem all along, but she wasn’t happy about it. And she hadn’t told Kerry. And like any other kid, she’s not always exact in her details. But this is a first draft, so it’s easy to have her tell Kerry that after she “lost” him, she decided to go elsewhere–which is what caused a lot of tension with her family that summer of 2011.

        • Yep. He blocked them without KNOWING he blocked them. Annie also did something to herself, though in a limited way, because she had trouble remembering what happened–which was thought to be because, at a certain level, she realized she went into the situation badly.

          Kerry did, in a limited way, what people are worried Tanith might do: perform a crap-load of magic without realizing their doing it. In Kerry’s case, he took a trauma and magically made it go away. If he hadn’t went to Salem and reestablished contact with Annie, he’d have gone through life never knowing she existed. Or if Annie had gone to another school, the same thing would have happened. And there’s a chance the longer the block would have remained in place, the more his remaining memories of his Chestnut Girl would have faded.

          So it’s a good thing Mama Kirilova found out Kerry was going to school so Annie would go to Salem, because if she’d transferred back in, say, her B Levels, imagine her finding Kerry and Emma sitting at a table together, holding hands . . . 😉

          • Hehe! 😉

            Occam’s Razor is totally in play here. And there’s been an overriding theme as well . . . Deanna: “You didn’t know he was a witch?” Erywin: “You didn’t know he was a witch?” Kerry: “You thought I was Normal?” Throw in the reveal that Tanith might perform spontaneous magic, and . . . Annie didn’t know he was a witch, and created a volatile situation. So, think this will color how they approach Tanith?

            And yes, Emma. Annie would just set . . . well, someone on fire. That would never stand.

  3. I’m aware of that mantra. And as much as I want to give an obvious explanation . like, the simplest explanation, it seems it always gets shut down. ” There’s more to it than meets the eye”. I’m afraid Occam’s Razor does not work here, Miss. o_O

    Now , about Emma…..my thoughts dwell on human nature.
    ” And yes, Emma. Annie would just set . . . well, someone on fire. That would never stand ”

    I don’t know if it’s intentional, hoping that I will pick up on it, but somehow, you have been inadvertently giving hints, that , indeed, something will happen between Emma and Kerry.

    First off, why would Annie set someone on fire on mere suspicion ? ( or whatever it is she might do ) Though Annie had almost thrown a dangerous spell on Lisa , ( or was it Emma ? )it was a straightforward anger at something that actually happened… she almost got kerry killed. And not only that, she taunted Annie. ( Think Carrie)

    Annie trusts that Kerry loves her sincerely, and he does. No doubt about it. But, there’s this man’s nature. I don’t know up to what extent, But I can say with certainty, during those days they are alone together,Kerry will respond at one point.Later, Kerry w ill feel guilty and that guilt will show. Unfortunately, it is in Emma;s nature to taunt…. I guess to break them up. Suspicion will turn to confirmed. I have no idea what Annie will do. Deanna’s advice not to do anything about the vision, was for Annie and kerry…. but more for kerry. Deanna definitely saw kerry’s teacup vision, just as she saw Annie’s. Just think, Annie’s teacup was with Kerry, but Kerry’s was with Emma. And Deanna saw that. I have a feeling Erywin’s relationship advice was for Annie, even though kerry was there, too. Erywin said she was in a relationship for 30 years, and yes, there were ups and downs, but they are still together ( with Helena )b so Annie should not give up when trouble arises. Yeah, Cassie. That’s my line of thought. And it does greatly affect my attitude towards kerry. It takes two to tango. Annie is not Emma’s friend, she has no obligation to Annie, she’s free and single……. and likes Kerry. I guess she’s really in love, and she has done done it 2x toKerry, at age 11,she can do it more boldly , at age 15 or so. Kerry will succumb.

    Also, Annie said they wouldn’t do any hanky-panky because their wedding night would be the first time for them…. techically, yes, it would be the first tiem for them, so no worries….. and she’s sure it would actually be her first….. literally…. but Kerry didn’t affirm her statement… it was like just a feeling for him, because he was nervous, but being a first time with Annie is techically correct, but , it doesn’t mean, it’s a first time for him to do it.

    And Cassie, there’s something else that you might have given away, I don’t know. Never mind. It was on that Camp Reka something chapter.

    • Don’t trust anything I say. Since I know what will happen, I do tend to throw things out there just to do so. All I’ll say is that Emma will be around, and what, if anything, will happen with her and Kerry won’t become known for a few more novels. And that’s all there is to that.

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