A Walk Through the Reticent

This morning did not start out good.  Because of I’m a certain age and gender, I tend to get hit upon by scammers who are, first, looking for romance, and, second, looking for your money.  They almost always appear as single dads whose wife has left them or died, and they have at least one child, usually between the ages of six and twelve.  And for the extra topper, they’re almost always stationed in Afghanistan, because of course.  Who’s going to say no to being wooed by a person in the service.

Well, me, for one.

But I digress.  They have the same stock rap and the same smooth operations, and anymore I almost never bother friending them except to allow them to chat me up enough so I can report them to Facebook before blocking them.  Which is what I did with this assclown this morning.  The problem was I was looking for a theme for the post today, and Mr. Lookin’ For Romance–he whom claimed to have read my profile; he whom said he was being directed by god to find someone’s heart he could touch; he whom picked the atheist lesbian to lay his rap upon–totally took me out of my creative space and sent me into a pissed-off spiral that forced me to let him have it good before the reporting, blocking, and unfriending commenced.

All that, however, just sort of sent me into a bit of a pity spiral.  I was feeling crappy last night, and for the first time in a long time didn’t go out to Panera to dine and write.  And there are times when the loneliness of my situation really comes crashing down on me, and I feel as if I can’t take another moment.  I ran all that through my head before getting ready and heading out into the walk to work, where–

It was snowing.

There’s a light snow coming down this morning, and we could get between three and five inches before it stops.  It’s been a long time since I’ve walked in falling snow:  it was something I loved to do as a kid, and often when it was snowing I’d bundle up and go outside for thirty or forty minutes to walk up and down the road and feel the cold flakes upon my face.

I did that today as well.

A bit like this, only far more urban.

A bit like this, only far more urban.

Once I was on my way, once I was heading through the Capitol Park and alone with my thoughts, I imagined Annie and Kerry wandering the paths of the school, hand-in-hand, as the snow falls.  Kerry wouldn’t see this sort of thing much, and he’d likely be enthralled by it–though given the snow that’s fallen this year, maybe they wouldn’t be that excited.  Right now they’d be in their D Levels and waiting for school to end in another two-and-a-half months, but at that moment–parallel to what I was feeling–they’d enjoy a little snow falling on their faces.

I was smiling by the time I walked into work, because I love seeing myself come through the door all bundled up in my coat and boots, with the hair from my wig peeking out from my hood.  My mood has improved, if only because I felt something that I haven’t felt in a long time.

Simple joy.

If only I could have shared that with another person at the same time . . .