Home » Creativity » The Loneliness of the Dark: Starting Out

The Loneliness of the Dark: Starting Out

I know there are studies that show that writers are able to alleviate their depression and sorrow through writing, and yet . . . we all know of at least one popular writer who ran the depression rails all the way to the end of the line and parked there forever.  That’s likely because other studies have shown that depression and creativity to hand-in-hand, and that’s one of the reasons so much artistic types are overcome by their demons, be it substance abuse and/or depression.

A lot of times we write to rid ourselves of our own demons, and that does help.  It also brings out moments where you, the writer, has to search your emotional closet looking for similar moments to mine for the entertainment of others.  It’s not fun, but depending upon your story, it’s often necessary.

Kerry’s in some dark spots right now in the story, and while I don’t like placing him there, it’s necessary.  Why?  Because . . . that’s the story right now.  I’m leading up to something, and while it’s not a nice thing to say, I gotta torture his ass just a little in these early chapters.  Not a lot was written last night, but I managed about six hundred and fifty words.  Part of it was due to my mood–I was more in a mood to kick back and just veg out a bit than getting into a story–part of it was not wanting to hurt Kerry some more, to dig into his soul and wound it once again.  His home life sucks, and he wants to be with the girl he loves.

And now there’s other crap at play . . .


(All excerpts from The Foundation Chronicles, Book Two: B For Bewitching, copyright 2015 by Cassidy Frazee)

Kerry’s eyes opened as he came out of the dream. He didn’t gasp for breath or jerk upright as characters did in movies when they awoke from a dream: he simply exhaled and rolled over onto his back, looking through the darkness at his his ceiling.

He had no idea how long he’d been in his dreamspace, but it hadn’t felt as if it’d been long. He remembered times with Annie when they’d spent an entire day, from sunrise until the next, talking, playing, laughing, enjoying each other’s company—and later, after the admissions of love, hugging, kissing, and cuddling. This time it was more like a quick “Hello, how are you?” and then back out into real life. Not to he had no idea who this person was who’d invaded the dreamspace he shared with his lovely Annie . . .

Kerry slowly drew back the covers and got out of bed. He quietly made his way out of the bedroom and walked the few steps to the toilet room. It wasn’t often that Kerry had to get up in the middle of the night to relieve himself, but for some reason now he found he needed to go badly. He sat and tried pushing the dream away, but the last thing the girl said stuck with him:

“You hold my life in your hands.”

He bowed his head and sighed. What did she mean by that? How is her life in my hands? I don’t even know her; how can I help someone I’ve never met? He finally put the dream out of his mind, finished up in the toilet room, and returned to his bedroom.


I’ve come out of a few dreams the same way as Kerry has, and it can be a bit of a shock.  I’ve never sat up in bed screaming, and don’t know anyone who has.  But it looks more dramatic on the screen when it show it that way, I guess.  And the dream was bothersome, because now Kerry’s got someone telling him he hold their life in their hands.  In his world, don’t think for a moment that dreams don’t have meaning.

And his mind wanders back to that world once he’s back in his bedroom . . .


It was impossible to return to sleep, however: the dream had left Kerry too wound up, and he didn’t bother getting into bed because he knew he would only toss and turn rather than return to sleep. Back at school he’d head off to the hospital and ask Nurse Gretchen for something that would let him sleep in ten minutes, then head off to Bed #2 for a couple of hours of sleep. There wasn’t any chance of that happening—not for another couple of weeks, at least.

Kerry chose to sit at his computer desk instead. He flipped on the small lamp to his left, casting light upon the desk and his tablet computer, while the rest of his room remained in darkness. He didn’t know what he wanted to do: usually he’d jump on the Internet and start reading whatever he could find, but this time he wanted to talk to Annie. If this had happened at school, he’d meet her in the Mezzanine Commons, in three hours time, and they’d discuss the dream over breakfast before heading off to—what class will I be in on Tuesday? He powered up his computer so he could check out the real schedule Ms. Rutherford had sent him, and not the fake one that came in his travel package . . .

His tablet was up and running after a few seconds, thanks to the modifications Salem Director of Security Isis Mossmaon performed on the system as a present for his last birthday. Kerry was about to bring up a browser and read the email attachment when he saw the Skype icon notification in the lower right hand corner pop up and display a familiar name. He checked the time on his computer—03:11—and performed a quick calculation in his head. Only a little after twenty hours there— His finger hovered over the notification icon. Why not see if she’s really on-line?

Kerry tapped the notification: Skype loaded and proceeded to call the user on the other end of the connection. A few seconds later—as Kerry was throwing up a spell that would keep the conversation localized around the desk—the call connected.

A red-haired girl wearing pajamas with unicorns on them stared back at him through his computer display. “Kerry?”

Kerry sat back and grinned. “Hi, Emma.”


Emma has pajamas with unicorns on them.  No word if they’re new, or if she’s worn them to the Midnight Madness.    You never know:  we may see them again.

There I left him–

The dark is never a fun place, particularly when you're alone . . .

The dark is never a fun place, particularly when you’re alone . . .

And I’ll return to him tonight so he can talk.

It’s not the person he wants to speak with, but . . . any port in a storm as they say.

23 thoughts on “The Loneliness of the Dark: Starting Out

  1. Oh oh, Kerry.
    I’ve been having a bit of trouble on and off with writing for the past week–anxiety, depression, stress…
    I think I need to reorganize my writing space to better suit my needs, and get rid of the creative clutter that surrounds me. 😀 Might help anyway.

    • Know all about that, and been there. I feel last night was a bit of the depression, and I wanted my mind off what I had to write. Kerry’s been sad a lot of late. He’s only been happy those few hours with Annie.

  2. Yesterday and today have been bad days for me.

    I’ had bitched on the Internet , well, on my comments.

    I think I’ll post to memorialize my bitchiness..

      • I managed to read the whole thing ( the one you sent me ) last night. It was a faster read than the first one, but I slowly reread the Kansas fight. No matter how I read it, Kerry was half- assed there. Good thing Annie scolded him, in a nice way , of course. Kerry, if you’re not sure about being a dark Witch, be honest with me, and quit, because you’re going to get killed, or get us killed. ” Annie is so mature. It makes me think Annie’s just Kerry’s anchor, she’s the one who gives him the love his mother does not give him.

          • Annie caught him when he is most vulnerable ….. in fact, had Emma gotten to him first, he’d be with her in no time.

            Annie is lucky that they actually have a history together, but it struck me that Kerry just went with the flow early on. You wrote something there that I thought was very telling. Everytime Annie spoke of their ” future together, ” Kerry had a habit of turning his head and looking away.
            You wrote that Cassie.

  3. I don’t like this exerpt. I ‘m sure you know why. I understand he wants to talk to someone, or company in the wee hours of the morning. I still don’t like it, and I know Im being unreasonable.

    • You’ve already decided that Kerry will cheat with Emma, so even though we haven’t any proof that he will, you know he will. In time it will all come out about what will happen.

        • The question of Kerry’s fidelity during the Polar Express will be answered about two-thirds of the way into the C Level novel–maybe . . . 400,000 words from now? But there will be answers. There will also be revelations in this novel–maybe two-thirds of the way through as well–that will come to light that will put a big spin on their relationship.

          Beyond that, they’re together and happy. One question will get asked in Berlin, and there will be an answer. And then they move on and look to the future . . .

          • It’s already making me nervous. I don’t want their relationship tainted by infidelity. Their history together, and their constant declarations of love for each other would be rendered pointless and cheapened by infidelity. Just my opinion, Cassie. However, I can say his connection with Emma is pretty powerful, too. After all, he had saved her life twice already, and that’s some freakin’ powerful connection.

          • It’s not like he went out of his way to save her, however. In the first instance he was saving himself as well; in the second he didn’t want to see her killed because being eaten by a monster is not a pleasant way to go out. Yes, in both instances he could have let her die, and imagine the sort of kid he’d have been for the rest of the school year . . .

            Nope, he went right back to something that has become important to him and someone closer to him: “A good sorceress keeps their wits about them when everything is going to hell around them.”

            Yes, saving someone’s life puts a serious obligation on a person–but Kerry had already made it clear to Emma several hours earlier that he HAS A SOUL MATE. And as Deanna pointed out, Kerry would have fought to save Annie at the cost of his own life if it had been her instead of Emma who was attacked by the Abomination. And if there’s anyone who seems to know these two well, it’s the school Seer.

            At three in the morning it would have been five in the morning in Pamporovo, and Annie would have likely been up as she’s admitted she’s an earlier riser. So . . . if Annie had a computer, and it was on, and when Kerry brought up his computer he’d have noticed both Annie AND Emma on Skype, who do you believe he would have called?

      • Weird, Cassie. In my Notifications, you’ve actually written ” I’VE ALREADY DECIDED that Kerry will cheat…. then on your blog, it’s ‘YOU’VE ALREADY DECIDED…..

    • You only have to look at a few major players in the music business to see that by being extremely creative you are either (1) depressed or (2) a complete creep. Sometimes both. But it’s the rare individual who can be creative and still seem normal.

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