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Rebreaking the Heart

Old Deuteronomy may not be moving slow this morning, but I certainly am.  It was something of a rough night, and it woke at my normal time this morning–which is to say around five-fifteen in the dark morning.  I didn’t even have the alarm set:  I simply got out of bed and started getting ready for my early morning breakfast dining.

I usually get into a smooth writing mood on Saturday mornings, but not today.  I spent about twenty minutes stumbling over a paragraph at one point, and figured getting some food for the week, along with returning home to write this post, was the order of the day.  Also, I intend to take a quick nap after I’ve finished here, which is something else I’ve done a lot of late.  I will write more this afternoon, but I’ve started the scene rather nicely:


(All excerpts from The Foundation Chronicles, Book Two: B For Bewitching, copyright 2015 by Cassidy Frazee)

Whenever they were home the Kirilovis set aside time for afternoon tea and snacks. It was a tradition that Pavlina and Victor actually started when they were together at Salem, taking tea together in the Cernunnos commons on Sundays when they weren’t out shopping or sightseeing. After they married they carried on the tradition, with Victor even jaunting home from racing practice to spend an hour with his wife.

Annie joined in the tradition right away, swaddled and held against her mother the afternoon after her birth while her parents enjoyed tea in the hospital room. As she grew older she continued enjoying tea with her parent, though during the summer it was more difficult for Victor to escape commitments, so afternoon tea often consisted of Pavlina and Annie alone.

Now that Annie was away at school the only time she could enjoy tea with her parents was during the summer and Yule holidays. Yesterday the Christmas Eve tea became a spectacular event, with four generations of her family sitting together for the first time in a decade. Today, Christmas, was far more intimate and relaxed, with Annie and her parents sitting in the dining room conversing over their ritual refreshments.

It was a relaxed affair: all were in jeans and sweaters while music played at a low volume in the background. As was usual Annie sat facing the window while Victor sat to her left at one end of the table while Pavlina sat at the other end on Annie’s right. Conversation was minimal due to so much being said the day before at dinner and in the aftermath of opening presents that morning, so most of the niceties related to those two events.

There was someone at the table, however, who had something she wanted to discuss—


Who is that “someone”?  Probably a thirteen year old Chestnut Girl.  What does she want to discuss?  Hum . . . wedding plans?  Nah, too soon for that.  I think we can guess what she’s gonna talk about–I just gotta write it up.

Also, an additional treat:  I’m gonna design Annie’s family home!  I actually did the design a long time back, but I’ve finally decided to give her house the three-dimensional treatment.  You’ll finally get a chance to see Annie’s private sitting area.

Now, onto something personal . . .

Sometimes I go back over old posts, and yesterday was no exception.  I was reading something I posted in April, The Quey to the Square, and it showcased two scenes I’d written the night before.  The scenes in question were some of the first I’d written for the novel, where we got to see Kerry on his summer holiday.  It had been a while since I’d been in the file from which the scenes arose:  the information from Scrivener said I’d last edited a particular scene on 8 July, 2015.

There was one part of the except that did something to me.  Let me show you what I was reading:


Erywin turned her head so she could see Helena. “Kerry informed me that he’s been to Russell Square before.”

Helena turned to Kerry. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. When Annie and I were doing our walking tour of London last year, we stopped here for lunch.”

“Oh? Where?”

“At a Pret a Manger.” Kerry stopped and took in the street, remembering that moment almost a year earlier when Annie and he were allowed to leave the hotel where they were staying, and she showed him around the city. “It was right across from the tube station, so if it’s there—” He turned to his left towards Helena. “—then the restaurant is right behind—”

Helena took a single step to her left, giving Kerry an unobstructed view of the Pret a Manger behind her—

Annie sat alone inside the restaurant at a table next to the window. As her eyes met Kerry’s, a smile etched across her face as she raised her right hand and waved.

Kerry froze, unable to react. He finally turned back towards the two women who were now standing side-by-side. Helena took Erywin’s hand. “As clueless as always.”

Kerry finally found his voice. “You guys—”

“I told you mother I was taking you to lunch—” Erywin leaned into Helena. “I didn’t say you were dining with us.”


It was the line that starts with the word “Annie” that got to me.  Just as I’m doing now I started crying.

There are times when I shouldn't re-read my own work.

There are times when I shouldn’t re-read my own work.

I’ve said before that these novels have, from time-to-time, touched me in extremely emotional ways.  At times it’s difficult to separate myself from a few of these characters, and it’s easy to say that there are times when my feelings parallel theirs.

Yesterday I was missing someone terribly, and reading of Kerry being taken to Russel Square to reconnect with the girl he loves at a place that is close to both of them, left me in a bit of an emotional funk.  I knew how he felt because I wrote those words with much the same feelings–only there’s no one waiting for me to show up for lunch.  Not here, and certainly not in London.  Kerry gets the girl; I only get to tell everyone about that event.

I am not my characters, but I know how they feel, because I feel for them.  It’s just that they usually get the happy ending–

And all I get is to sit here and make it happen.

Maybe one day I can change that.  Maybe.

19 thoughts on “Rebreaking the Heart

  1. Awww ! Don’t be sad , Cassie. What makes you who you are now are the good, as well as the sad memories.

    By the way, i’mabit confused here. Is this a flashback ? Why are Helena and Erywin with Kerry?

  2. I remember the period of time when I was waiting for someone and thought it would never happen and that time was passing by and reducing the possibilities the more that they passed. But someone gave me the advice to just be patient — that it happens when we least expect. And it did. I am hoping for the same thing to happen to you. 🙂

    • A friend told me long ago not to worry about tomorrow, because you never know what’s going to happen. It isn’t always each to do, but sometimes you have to keep reminding yourself of that fact.

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