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A Day At The Races: Trout Angling

A couple of things about yesterday’s post.  First, as I was reminded by follower and fellow writing James Pailly of the Tomorrow Network News, O.S. should be “Off Screen” and not “On Screen.”  He’s absolutely correct, and in my “screenplay” there should have been only a few O.S. moment.  As he told me, “At least you were consistent,” so I’ll give the play that.  I’ll watch that in the future.

Second, while the screenplay was cleaned up, the interesting question remains:  if there was a movie made of this magnificent pairing of witches in the wilds of Cape Ann, what sort of rating would it get?  That’s an easy one:  it’d get an “R” rating, and that would come about for a couple of reasons.  First and foremost, the Walking Tests/Kill the Zombies scene would likely get nailed for being too bloody, and Deconstructor Death by Head Exploding, Arm Removal, and Exsanguination would probably be a no-no, not to mention the death are coming from an eleven year old boy and twelve year old girl.  Sleeping together, even innocently, would be frowned up, and Annie’s vision–the one where she got out of bed naked and never dressed–would likely need changing.

The biggest reason, though, is the dumbest:  the word “fuck” is said more than twice.  I was told long ago that a PG-13 is given two “fucks” said or seen, and when it hits three, that’s an automatic R.  The Martian used the two-times rule:  Matt’s character said the word twice, and each time after that it wasn’t heard or spelled out, even when it was seen by others.  The Aviator says the word once, thereby keeping its PG-13 rating.

However, in my story, Erywin drops the word at least once, as does Helena–the “We’re that team, remember?” line in the screenplay had the removal of one word, if you get my meaning–and Wednesday says it to Isis during the Day of the Dead attack.

And then there’s Lisa . . .

 

(From The Foundation Chronicles, Book One: A For Advanced, copyright 2013, 2014, 2015 by Cassidy Frazee)

Lisa jerked out of Erywin’s arms and launched herself at Kerry. She was on him in a second, pummeling him with her fists. “You stupid dick. Rotten bastard.” She punched him in the shoulders and chest while Kerry held his arms up, warding off her blows. “Smug prick, I’m going to get you. I’m going to—let me go.” Helena grabbed Lisa from behind and pulled the struggling girl away from Kerry. “I’ll get you, bitch. I’m gonna make you sorry.” She tried jerking out of Helena’s grasp with little successes. “I’m gonna to mess you up. I’m gonna to hurt You.” Lisa spit at Kerry. “I’m gonna bash in your head with a Fucking POT.”

Helena handed the struggling girl to Erywin. “Get her into the office and give her something.” As Lisa was pulled away, Helena motioned to Kerry. “You can sit down.”

“Thank you.” He headed back to his seat, back towards the proudly smiling Annie, trying his best to ignore the screaming and cursing Lisa—

Something hard stuck him in the back of the head, liquid splashing all over him. He turned and saw Lisa once again out of Erywin’s arms, standing next to the work bench where the various mixtures sat. “Fuckin’ prick.” She picked up another vial and hurdled it towards him to crash against the wall. “I’ll fix you and your fuckin’ slut.” She threw another and struck him in the forehead before he could duck. “Motherfucker.”

 

"Remember when Kerry dominated Lisa in Sorcery class and she lost her shit and was going to hit him with a fucking pot?" "Those were good times, weren't they?"

“Remember when Kerry dominated Lisa in Sorcery class and she lost her shit and was going to hit him with a fucking pot?” “Those were good times, weren’t they?”

Okay, then.  Just that little outburst alone puts me over the limit, and I’d have to keep two of those four F-Bombs in, so . . . fuck it.  R It Is!

But no fucking pots today–it’s race day!  Again!  And let me tell you, almost six hundred words to start the scene isn’t easy when you’re checking your maps and then, right in the middle of writing, you start wondering, “So, what covens to all these fliers come from?”  So I had to sit down and figure that out, and at some point–probably tonight–I’ll start getting crazy and wondering who the hell they are and give them names.

But that’s tonight at the least.  Not now.  Now you get racing!

 

(From The Foundation Chronicles, Book Two: B For Bewitching, copyright 2015, 2016 by Cassidy Frazee)

Slamming his broom hard to the left, Kerry lay down over the control column, pushed forward, and willed as much acceleration as his body could stand. He shot past tenth and ninth places before cutting to the center of the course to pass eighth on the right so closely that he felt the change in air pressure as he cut through the other flier’s burgeoning slipstream.

Seven fliers in front of him, and Lisa was still in the lead heading towards a slight bend to the right that was the set up the short straight going into the Trout chicane. She was getting pressured by both Soroushi, who was right on her tail, and Manco, who was trying hard to get around both girls. Manco was being pressured hard by a flier from Blodeuwedd and the two lone racers from Ceridwen, but the back of the pack was moving forward fast, and it wouldn’t be long before there was a jam-up—

The gates turned from a solid color to flashing, indicating the approach of a turn. Trout was a S chicane and a flyover much like the Green Line’s Reservoir. It turned back to the right, first down and then up over both the local road and Trout Creek, then dropped back into the woods and turned hard to the left for a fast, straight run to the next turn. The front five fliers entered the turn smoothly and gave each other enough space so they didn’t crash into each other.

Kerry cruised past the seventh place Mórrígan as he entered the turn a little harder than necessary, but there wasn’t going to be a problem pulling hard gees through the turn. He completed the turn on the outside and popped up over the road before sliding downward towards the creek. Just like with the first part of the chicane he stuck to the outside and started turning on speed at the apex of the turn. He carried enough momentum through the second part of Trout to zoom past one of the Ceridwen fliers to take over sixth.

Trout was the lowest portion of the course: two hundred and thirty-five meters above sea level. From here it was all uphill, so to speak. It was a nice flat run to the next turn, Crossing, which was deceptively difficult because it was a one hundred five degree turn to the right before starting a fast, one hundred meter climb to a wide, fast one-eight turn that started with a quick flyover.

He checked the course ahead. The top three were still Anna, Soroushi, and Manco being followed by their Blodeuwedd and Ceridwen shadows, but Kerry felt the pressure coming from behind. Emma was only two positions back, and he saw Alex, Penney, Rivânia, and Nadine close behind her. He figured once they were through Crossing those in the back were going to turn up the pressure and make they way to the front before heading into quick wraparound that was Twelve Cut, Barrell Around, and Twin Peaks.

All the top fliers wanted to get around the slower fliers before they began the climb into the mountains and the racing grew serious.

 

There you are.  Heading into the second of a buttload of turns–well, actually third if you were paying attention, and now Kerry’s moving up with racers hot on his six while he’s hot on the sixes of the racers at the bottom of the pack who started at the front barbecue it’s an inverted start–did you get all that?

If you didn’t get it, you soon will, ’cause you’re getting more tomorrow . . .

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17 thoughts on “A Day At The Races: Trout Angling

  1. Cassie, I think an R rating would be the fate of your first novel if you don’t make any changes. Ad that’s very unfortunate because the first novel sets the tone for the rest. Re Lisa …. an eleven-year old capable of saying those words says so much about her backround, where she comes from. And I suspect you’re setting her up for the big kill, ha ha.

    • I should point out that I asked my then twelve year old daughter if kids spoke like Lisa when they were eleven, and she said, “Yeah.” And this is in a school full of fairly well-educated kids. Also, the “I’ll hit you with a fuckin’ pot” was something my then eleven year old daughter put on her Tumblr page, something I pointed out when I first posted that. I should note that my daughter is an honor student, has been to the Science Olympiad State and National Championships, and has won state twice and scored 10th in the last National, AND she also got four gold medals in her last State.

      The real Lisa spoke that way was because she was pissed. That’s all.

      And I’ll take the R Rating, because . . . Annie climbing into bed with Kerry the first time and being found sleeping next to him is IMPORTANT! So is her killing someone because she was told to do a mission, and she did. My witches are humans, and sometimes they gotta do bad stuff, and sometimes they snuggle up next to their soul mates and drift off to sleep. I’ve said before this isn’t really a kids book, though I think a lot of young adults would identify with them.

      • My point is, I don’t like any changes, at all. I’m just thinking that maybe the first novel should capture viewers of all ages, initially, a PG 13, and have Lisa utter one or two bombs to satisfy the censors, then , let them see that it’s different, then proceed ” as is” to the next one. The less than 13 years olds will all grow older anyway.

        • I could probably get rid of the f-bombs, but the Deconstructor bleeding out in her all glory–gotta keep that. Because it shows that Annie *is* the Little Dark Witch who will end your life and not loose sleep over it. In fact, she’ll mess up her bed and hop in with her own Dark Witch. 😉

          • Well, didn’t I say the cover of the book should be Annie and Kerry together, holding hands, and all covered with blood ? Right there, it shows its not a kiddie book.

          • I say, forget the PG 13, and do the right thing. ( maybe the producer will disagree, for the money , y’know ) This was what happened to Harry Potter when one of the movies was rated R, and I think the producers had to tweaked the movie here and there…. and to think even the written novel didn’t have anything of that sort.

            So go all out. Ugh… R , restricted audience.

          • The Abomination would scare the shit out of people. Oh, I also forgot: Annie undressing Kerry to heal him up! And then “Call Me Maybe, Kerry?” Them in the hotel room in KC would be one of my favorite scenes, particularly if you get Annie singing and dancing.

  2. But then of course changing the tone of the first novel to get a PG13 will mess up the novel, and to be honest, it will turn out lame.

    Wow. You have a genious daughter.

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