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Lunchtime in London: Goal Oriented Insecurities

How tired was I last night?  I feel asleep sitting up in my recliner and stayed that way for about 75 minutes.  There were good reasons for this.  One, I was up at five AM and worked from seven to five PM, or good ol’ seventeen hours.  Five minutes later I’m over a PDP/HRC headquarters where I worked the phone bank for three hours.  I got home, changed, and ate ice cream while listening to music.

Oh, and I was in this outfit, heels included, for fourteen hours straight:


Yeah, I was tired, and I’m doing it again tonight.  This is what comes of being in demand, as I was told last night I’m one of the best volunteers the HQ has.  Oh, and I got my first Trumper but he was nice to me in a way.  At least he didn’t scream and curse.

Where we left off yesterday, Annie asked the really big summer question:  why don’t you leave?  And wouldn’t you know it, Kerry has an answer:


(The following excerpts from The Foundation Chronicles, Book Three: C For Continuing, copyright 2016 by Cassidy Frazee)


He looked around again, scratching his neck in an obvious time-stalling move. Kerry finally rubbed his knees a few times before answering. “I’ve thought about it, but…” He released a long sigh. “I know I’ve been told to prepare myself for the possibility that I might have to leave home, but I’m just not ready for that yet.”

“Why not?” Annie knew from his letters that Kerry wasn’t happy, so the idea that he wasn’t ready—and perhaps unwilling—to leave was foreign to her. “Helena and Erywin said they’d take you in: it wouldn’t even be necessary to wait for them to prepare for your arrival.” She closed her eyes as she gripped his hand. “Why don’t you leave, my love?”

He looked across the path into the cafe seating. “Because they’re my parents.”

“Who don’t… give a shit about you.” Annie turned away from the stares of a few adults who heard her outburst. When the path was clear she continued in a softer tone. “They don’t care about you, my love: you even told me that in one of your letters.”

“I know I did.”

“Then why do you want to stay with them.”

“Part of it is I’m scared to leave. I mean, they are my family, and I don’t know what will happen to us all if I decide to leave.”

Annie leaned a touch over the armrest between them. “I’m your family as well, my love.”

There was immense emotion in Kerry’s eyes when he turned towards Annie. “I know you are, Darling, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But—” He looked down as a hurt look crossed his face. “We can’t be together for another five years.”

“But we’ll be together nearly that whole time.” She kissed his hand. “What is it? What’s really holding you there?”

Kerry sniffed hard a couple of times as if he was fighting to keep the tears back. “There’s something I have to prove.”


He finally looked up, his eyes boring straight into Annie’s. “I have to prove to them I’m not dangerous.”


Kerry is afraid; there’s no other way to put it.  He loves his girlfriend and spending time at school with her, but there’s a part of him that isn’t ready to leave his own flesh and blood behind even if his once-and-future wife tells him he should.  Like it or not, he’s still thirteen and working on cutting those maternal strings.

And we have just one more instance where we see Annie isn’t gonna be the sort of daughter-in-law who’s gonna lay down for her inlaws and keep her mouth shut.  We know she’s sworn before, but that’s usually happened in Bulgarian, but this is the first time she’s dropped a word in English, probably because she wanted Kerry to know what she thought about his mother and father and there feelings towards him.  With the kids getting into their teen years in this novel, the odds of hearing them drop a few swear words here and there will occur–

Annie would really like to look more peeved, but do you know how hard it is to find that picture?

“Yes, I swore; I said a bad word.  Stop being an asshole about it or I’ll say another.”

–and it’s possible you may even hear an F-bomb dropped by both the kids.  Because they are growing up and these things happen.

Now, I’m doing the phone bank again tonight.  Will I be just as worn out at the end of the day?

Maybe my kids know, ’cause I sure don’t.


4 thoughts on “Lunchtime in London: Goal Oriented Insecurities

  1. I thought that was why he was staying. Sometimes people stay with others for the wrong reasons, but I actually agree with Kerry’s. If he leaves now, he’ll only confirm his parents’ worst fear.

    • Bernice also pointed out the real hidden fact here: to get Kerry to act on his own, a certain point must be reached before he’ll do anything. This is a kid who’s taken a lot of shit in his life and submerged it all, but once he hits a certain threshold, he acts.

      He hit that both times he fell in love with Annie. He reached that when he saved Emma’s life the first time. He has a ways to go before something traumatic enough happens to force him to pack up his shit and leave home.

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