Believe it or not I’ve been on a writing tear of late. I week ago today I wrote over five thousand words, and since then I’ve actually been averaging about fifteen hundred words a night one I do write. This is what happens when you’re writing two stories and a bunch of recaps at the same time: you just start adding up the words. And while I’m not likely to have a five thousand word day today, I do anticipate getting close to two thousand done before I head off to dreamland about 11 PM tonight.
It’s kind of an interesting situation, all this writing for the hell of it. I can hear few people I know saying, “Why don’t you get paid for this?” I would love to get paid for it; it’s just that I don’t. Maybe one day I will, but for right now I don’t. And if you have to wonder why I continue to do so much when I’m not getting paid, I think your attitude proves that you could never understand why I do the things I do.
That’s an attitude that Kerry should take up. Maybe he’s going to really soon.
And speaking of Kerry… A lot of people–okay, well, a few–sorta figured out what’s on Kerry’s mind in terms of being bothered by this whole gender transition thing. Because by now, you know my boy well. But it goes a little deeper than that–
(The following excerpts from The Foundation Chronicles, Book Three: C For Continuing, copyright 2016, 2017 by Cassidy Frazee)
He released a long, slow sigh. “If I transitioned at home I wasn’t totally worried that my parents were going to find me—I mean, it was possible. The more I thought they might see me, though the more I began wondering—” He finally looked up at Annie. “What if my mom liked me better that way?”
Annie didn’t need additional information to understand the basis of Kerry’s fear. She was intimately aware of the taunting and semi-abuse he received as a child, but of all the things his mother had stated, the one that seem to have bothered Kerry the most was his mother’s declaration that she wished she had never had Kerry and that she had given birth to a girl instead.
And now that he was moving closer to the day when he’d get to fulfill his mother’s wishes, Kerry was worried that of all the people who may find themselves disturbed by his change of gender, his mother wouldn’t be among them.
Annie rested her forehead against his and looked into his eyes. “Your mother will have to get used to the idea that no matter how you look, you are still the same person.” She gripped his hands as she straightened. “And you need to understand that as well. Stop worrying about what we see—” She placed her hand over his heart. “And remember what’s in here.”
Kerry nodded slowly. “I tried to, but it’s so hard. Every time I imagine my mom seeing me like that, I just—” He closed his eyes just before a tear trickled down his right cheek. “I keep thinking she’s gonna start making comparisons and she’s gonna wanna—”
“Stop it.” Annie gave both his hands a shake. “You’re letting an irrational fear of something that has not happened take you over.” She glanced to her left before returning to her soul mate before her. “You do remember what we’re discussing?”
He drew in a breath as he nodded. “Flaws.” Kerry brush tears away from his eyes and cheeks. “And that’s when I have: fears about things that haven’t happened. And I just keep blowing them up into problems before they ever pop-up.” He brought his breathing under control and nodded twice. “And then I get to where I don’t even want to talk about them because I’m afraid of how silly they’re gonna sound.”
As it sorry been pointed out, Kerry desires affection, particularly from his mother. Of course, now that there’s an extremely good likelihood that he’ll soon turn into the sort of person that his mother wanted so badly, he’s worried that he’s going to get that affection for all the wrong reasons. And that brings up the reason for the title of today’s post.
Everybody of a certain age–that is to say, old like me–probably remember The Smothers Brothers, who had an extremely successful comedy variety show on CBS in the late 1960s. And believe it or not, they were actually kinda cutting edge for their time, as well as being somewhat political. In fact, despite being successful, the programming heads at CBS yank their show off the air because they were just talking way too much shit about the War in Vietnam. Censorship: It’s Not a New Thing.
A big part of their act consisted of the brothers getting into a “fight” while performing, leading brother Tommy to yell at brother Dick, “Mom always liked you best!” Yeah, it doesn’t sound like it would be right up there with one of George Carlin’s bits, but for the 1960s it was good enough. And it usually came after some considerable witty back and forth which eventually led the exasperated Tommy into in coherency.
So now you have a conundrum: what happens when you discover that mom likes your sister better than she likes you, the brother? Normally that leads one to the sulk a lot–I know it did with me. The real bitch here is, what you do when you’re not only the brother, but also the sister? Imagine the sort of inferiority complex that’s going to build up a new when you find yourself dealing with being ignored as one gender, but being accepted as another. That’s some fairly heinous shit to have to deal with, especially when you’re thirteen. Puberty is hard enough without having to deal with parental favoritism of one of your genders over the other.
Then again, we’ve also established that Louise Malibey is a stone bitch, so there’s also a distinct likelihood that she won’t give a shit what gender her child is sporting, she’s still gonna be cold and unfeeling towards that child. And maybe even more so because she knows that no matter how her kid looks on the outside, inside they’re still a goddamn witch. And so far she’s not suffering that shit.
But after all this crap, the kids finally have something to say to The Phoenix about this examination of their flaws–
Still holding on to Kerry’s left hand, Annie turned to face The Phoenix. “Whatever issues I have with my father, they do not override the fact that I love him. And I will not allow those issues to interfere with that love.” She slowly shrugged. “Whatever flaws I have, in time I will correct them.”
Kerry sniffed back the last of his tears. “I know I’m screwed up.” He also turned to face The Phoenix. “I’m trying to get past my problems. It’s not easy for me, because I’m too used to keeping things to myself.” He nodded towards Annie. “At least I have someone to remind me that I don’t need to keep quiet.”
Basically, screw you Phoenix, we know we got flaws, we know we’re screwed up, that doesn’t mean we can’t work through them and make ourselves better. And in the case of both kids, it can be argued their flaws are more like minor psychological issues–although, may be an Kerry’s case it’s a bit more than minor. Either way, it sounds as if they both reached the point with are not interested in listening to anymore of The Phoenix’s bullshit.
And how’s Phee going to take this attitude?
I guess you’ll find out tomorrow.