Believe it or not, six years ago today I wrote my 100th post.

Wide Awake But Dreaming

When I started fooling around with this blog a few months before, in the waning days of Spring (4/13/2011 was my first post, where I just had a few warnings for my dozens of readers), I never intended for it evolve into what it is today.

In fact it was almost dead on arrival: I had very little posting in April, not a bad May, and then I just died in June.  Too much personal bullshit hit me, depression set in, I didn’t feel like writing . . . yeah, it was all there.  I wanted to give up in many ways, and there are still days when I feel that way.

But I kept on, because I really, truly decided to not only write, but I was going to write about what I was writing–due in part to someone bitching at me to get my ass in gear and write!–and…

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On the Turning Back: Again and Again

The first scene of Chapter Eighteen is done.  Finished.  Over and in the bank.  There’s an interesting stat with this: it took six days to write this scene, but at no time save one did I write more than five hundred words at a sitting.  I had two other days where I hit four hundred plus, but the other three days were below that mark.  A lot of that was due to being tired when I wrote, and when I’m tired the brain doesn’t want to do its thing.

So let’s finish up this scene here.  Kerry’s about to give her transition another go, and she’s ready to rock and roll–


(The following excerpts from The Foundation Chronicles, Book Three: C For Continuing, copyright 2016, 2017 by Cassidy Frazee)


“No, I don’t.” Kerry rolled her shoulders as if she were about to take on a tremendous task. “Let’s do this.”

“Okay, then.” Once more she seemed to lean towards her holographic monitor. “This is Attempt Number Two. On my command use your Gift to transition back.” Coraline pointed at Kerry. “And three, two, one…” She flipper her finger at his as if to ensure she got the instruction. “Mark.”

Kerry clenched her fists as she stared off into the darkness of the third floor. After about five seconds she shook her head. “Nada. Same as before.”

Silence fell over the open space as everyone slowly began to realize that whatever Kerry was attempting at the moment wasn’t going to work. Jessica, however, had a question moments later. “Kerry, how clear is the image of your old self in your mind? Is there any ambiguity when you visualize yourself?”

Shifting her gaze off to the near-right for a moment, Kerry thought about what she was seeing during crafting. “You know…” She had a concerned look on her face. “If I think about the visualizing, it’s like I’m seeing myself through a filter. I mean, I can see the old me, but it’s not that clear.” She shrugged. “Does that make sense?”

“It does.” Jessica turned to Coraline. “Could we try one more time—” She quickly motioned to Kerry. “If you’re up for it.”

Kerry nodded. “Sure.”

“I think we need to give her a bit more time to get the image of her old self set in her mind.” Jessica faced everyone but Kerry as she explained. “It could be that is this present form is solidified in Kerry’s mind, her old male form is rendered indistinct until such a time both forms are a clear part of her being. Indistinct visualization will prevent transformation magic from working at all—”

“Just as it does with any magic.” Erywin nodded as she looked between Coraline, Deanna, and Annie. “I don’t see the harm.”


The first two times didn’t work.  So three time’s a charm, right?  Let’s see:


Kerry was eager to make this attempt. After the last couple of years in transformation class, she realized the truth of what Jessica was saying: perhaps she couldn’t transition back because she wasn’t seeing her old self clearly. “Do you want me to concentrate longer on how I did look before trying to transition?”

“That’s exactly what I want.” Jessica leaned in towards Coraline spoke in a soft voice. “Give her about fifteen seconds to get the image set in her head before you give her the command to continue.”

“Sure.” Coraline turned back to Kerry. “Did you get that?”

She gave one quick node. “Concentrate for about fifteen seconds?”


“I got it.”

“Then let’s give his a go.” Coraline drew in a quick breath. “This is Attempt Number Three. Okay, Kerry, my command use your Gift to transition back. Ready? Then three, two, one—” She let the time before giving the command to draw out, counting down fifteen seconds on the monitor before her. “And… Mark.”

Kerry let out a loud sigh as she closed her eyes and seemed to concentrate hard. Five seconds later she opened her eyes. “Didn’t work.” She turned to Jessica. “The visualization still seemed like it wasn’t that sharp.”

“And I don’t imagine that’s going to change right away.” Jessica addressed everyone present. “I think we’re going to have to give this a few hours and let Kerry rest. I suspect that as the day wears on she’ll finally reach a point where everything comes to her crystal clear and she’ll transition with ease.”

Coraline let out a soft sigh. “Yeah, that sounds good.” She looked towards Kerry. “Sabrina, records off; Kerry, you can come down.” With that she turned to the other women. “Okay, since the first demonstration was a bust, we don’t we get together again after lunch? That way I can give Kerry her exams and go over her medical history while you prepare for your meeting with the Headmistress and the others.”

While the adults spoke Annie went to Kerry to comfort her. She took her left hand as she stepped in front of her. “I’m sorry it didn’t work the first time.”

Kerry exhaled a rather pained sigh. “I hoped it would, but part of me knew it wasn’t going to happen.” She looked up into Annie’s eyes. “I couldn’t get that lucky.”

“We’ll try after lunch. Meanwhile, you might want to relax before Coraline starts her examined.”

“Yeah—” Kerry chuckled dryly. “That can’t be nearly as bad as this—right?”


So, no joy on the third floor.  And what comes next is something I’m going to start writing tonight–

Something that is gonna be a bit hard for me to get through.