Testing the Pressure

Today has been all kinds of crazy.  Actually, the entire weekend was like that, but today is peak crazy.

And it’s of my own doing.

Saturday and Sunday–when I wasn’t shooting video and editing video and, oh, writing a bit and meeting with friends–I was studying for the test I need to pass in order to become WFTDA certified.  (WFTDA means Woman’s Flat Track Derby Association, in case you were wondering.)  I thought it was going to be easy to get through, seeing as how it’s possible to generate fake tests with sample questions that will show you how you did at the end.  You can even look at a sample test of 50 questions as well as the answer key if you want to see if you’re really going to do well.

About Friday night I was telling my coach and another derby player that I thought I was being pretty chill about the whole test thing and that there was nothing to worry about–

You know, I seem to spend a lot of time lying to myself.

I went to bed last night a bit concerned that I might not be as up on the rules as I thought, as I was always missing the pass line on the fake tests I was taking, and by this morning I was feeling the stress that, yeah, I might struggle tonight during the test.  I told someone at work about how I hadn’t thought I was gonna get stressed out over my test, and she was like, “Given how you stress out on everything in derby, why did you believe this test would be any different?”

And the answer to that is I like lying to myself.

As of right now I’m not a nervous and strung out as I was, but there’s still a little trepidation.  I’ll get through tonight, though, and if I don’t pass the test, I’ll take it again next week.  Or this Wednesday.  Or this Sunday before the bout.  Whatever I’m allowed.

I’m so close.  Really, it’s just now starting to hit me that in another few weeks–maybe even this week–I could end up certified and have a derby name and start working towards playing for real next season.  It wasn’t hitting me much last week even though I was aware.  Now, I’m feeling it.  I’m feeling the bit of pressure that comes with this sort of thing and it’s a bit uncomfortable.

But it’s not unbearable.

I take the test in about four hours.

One way or another, I got this.