Freshie 3: Off Skates Edition

Sorry if you came here expecting to see how Kerry was going to handle the approaching Lisa on the last lap of the last race of Samhain, but you’re gonna have to wait until tomorrow to see that, ’cause I’m goin’ roller derby on your butts.  That’s because I’ve been sitting on this footage for just over a week and I need to talk about what went down because–well, that’s how I am, yeah?

This was my third freshie practice, 11 July, 2017, and right off the bat you’ll notice something different in this intro:


The foot is bothering me a little still:  Monday I would manage about five to ten laps before I had to skate to the side and shake off the pain, and after taking a good fall and feeling some stabbing pain shoot up my leg, I sat out the last twenty minutes of practice.  But I’ll be back tonight.

Panzer–she of the broken wrist–was coaching as our usual freshie coach, Ida, was off celebrating an anniversary.  Present were Rachel, Laura, Ashley, Erica, and Gwen, and while I didn’t do a lot besides stand on the side of the track and film, I did manage to help out at the end.  You’ll see.

First up is something I wanted to do for a while.  With the GoPro camera in hand I set it atop Laura’s helmet and let her film what it’s like to skate in a pack and do things like weave in and out while doing pull throughs and bumps.  At times it gets a little shaky because it’s hard to keep one’s head still, particularly when you’re going around and ’round in circles.  So, if you were curious about what it’s like for us to do this, now you get an idea.


Because I had my camera on the side of the rink filming as well, here’s how that all looked from the outside.  Because this was a long video, it was necessary to cut it in two:


After removing the GoPro from Laura’s helmet I strapped it to my own head and filmed as the freshie went around the track practicing bumping each other.  We can’t use our hands to push people away, which means we use our shoulders and hips for that.  I tried to follow the pack as they did this:


And the camera on the side of the rink caught the same action:


While everyone began working on their own things, I decided to talk a little about skating the diamond, which is something you learn to do whenever you’re on the track, particularly if you’re doing your 27/5.


Now comes blocking and jamming.  This is pretty much the game right here:  three blockers–and a pivot–working to keep a single jammer–the person who scores points–from getting through.  The three blockers here are going into a tripod, because it’s like three legs, right?  The idea for the jammer is to get a hip and/or shoulder in between a couple of blockers and break up the tripod, while the blocker’s job is to prevent that and keep that jammer from getting past the jam.  It’s a lot of fun and a lot of work, and the blockers require communications with each other at all times, ’cause the moment that jammer moves to their left or right, you want everyone in the tripod to know.

I should point out that I’ve missed three of these blocker/jammer practices.  I won’t miss a fourth.


And lastly…  it was time to practice plowing and a great way to do that is to be pushed and pulled and let the plowing person set up resistance for the person doing the pulling/pushing.  Since there were an odd number of freshies in the rink, I offered to work with Gwen, since I didn’t need to be on skates to push or plow.  I took it slow as I didn’t want to cause her to put up too much resistance, but by the end she said her thighs were burning, which is something that has happened to all of us.


We are learning more and more with every practice, and of late we’ve done more practice with the vets our on Monday/Wednesday night practices so we can do more advanced things.  We are approaching some interesting times–

I do hope I can keep up.

Three Years Down the Road

Anything interesting happen to you on this day, Cassidy?

Why, I’m glad you asked…

7 July, 2014, I headed out to Sterling, NJ, to see a doctor.  Actually, I was seeing her for the second time in two weeks because I’d had an initial consultation with her at the end of June.  This time I wasn’t going back for a check up, or for another consultation, or to even discuss possible medical options.

I was going there to get a shot.

As many of you know, during May of 2014 I decided to take a big step in my transition and get on the Estradiol train.  As Kerry can now tell you, Estradiol is the primary hormone found in that soup known as estrogen and it’s the most powerful of the lot.  You start taking that and before you know it, your body starts heading off down Girl Street.  And that was where I wanted to head, so the time came that in order to go that way I had to find a doctor.  Which I did.  In New Jersey.

And three years ago today I received my first injection.

It was really kind of interesting to watch her, my doctor, go through the steps I’d need to follow in order to inject myself in the leg.  I watched, I learned, and I sat there while I got the needle in the leg.  It was a life changing experience, it really was, and I was in sort of a daze all the way on the two-hour drive back to Harrisburg.

And since some of you don’t remember what I was like back there, here’s a reminder.

Man… I have a hard time believing I was this person.


Yep, that was me right after I returned home, fraying wig, old glasses, and bushy eyebrows to complete the look.  At this point in my life I was still going to work as “that other guy” and the next day I dressed like the person I used to pretend I was and headed off to work.

Only I was a little different.  And I’d get more different every day.

Two weeks later I had to return to my doctor’s office for another injection, only this time I was required to do the injection.  Which I did.  My doctor told me at the time that she expected me to get it right the first time because she knew I would.  I’m glad I didn’t let her down.

And that brings me to this point in time.  Three years later, I’m pretty happy with myself.  I’ve worked on a political campaign, I’ve marched against the Orange Menace, I’ve gotten more left and aware, and I’ve joined roller derby.  Oh, and I’m still writing after all these years.

Plus, I certainly look a lot better now than I did three years ago.

Yeah, I’m almost quite the looker right after rolling out of bed.


I don’t know what’s ahead.  Three years from now I’ll be 63 and likely doing much of the same things I’m doing now.  Maybe I’ll be published by then–maybe not.  Maybe I’ll have competed in a derby game–maybe not.  Maybe I won’t even be here–maybe not.

I don’t know:  I’m not Deanna so I can’t see the future.  All I can do is live from one moment to the next and hope for the best.

And when my fourth anniversary rolls around I’ll talk about it and shoot another picture of myself, just so I know what I look like.

Though I look a little strange when I’m shot through a dirty lens.


On the Thin Ice of A New Day

And if you know your Jethro Tull–and I can hear some of you going “Who?” right now–you know the first part of this title is Skating Away, and that should be all the hint you need for where this post is going.

Last night was not only the only practice of the week, but it was my first chance to try out my new gear.  All this new shinny gear that doesn’t smell and isn’t faintly moist with the sweat of a dozen or so people before me.

Until next Monday… #HARD #rollergirl #RestUp

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Now, I didn’t have everything I wanted:  the elbow pads I wanted did not come yesterday so I have to pick them up Saturday, which meant using the fresh meat gear in the back.  But everything else was mine, mine, mine…  yeah, I was a bit excited to get out on the rink.

And about a minute after I hit the floor I was feeling like I wanted to get of.

Let’s be real for a moment:  when you imagine yourself skating about in your own gear you see all the best.  You got speed, you got your crossovers and transitions and toe stops down, and you can backward skate like a demon.

That’s the fiction:  here’s the reality.  You kinda suck at first.  You’re all over the place–or I was–and I felt like I was back on skates for the first time in a long time, just as I did when I first came out for the team in May.  I was told it would take about a week to get everything broke in, and I can believe that.

What’s so different?  For one, you feel like you’re setting back a little on these new skates.  That’s because the heel isn’t as pronounced as on rentals, so it feels a little off-putting at first.  Then there’s the front wheels:  they’re loose.  Being loose helps you do those quick turns and weaves that you need in derby.

Only mine were too loose.  And since my left ankle isn’t real strong yet, my left skate kept wanting to turn to the right and left all the time.  Like when I was trying to skate straight.  Or when I was going into the corner and it decided to go right instead of left.  Or when I was doing a lot of things that involved moving.  I gave my wheels a bit of tightening, but I fear I’ll need to tighten them up a little more tonight so I can get used to them faster.  And once I reach that point I can loosen them little by little until they are where I need them to be.

The trade-off, however, was I could turn tight and fast, and I could weave with little difficulty, and transitioning and laying down a toe stop was a breeze.  I even did my first decent plow and T-stop last night.

But the thing I noticed most is they are fast.

There is so much less friction now that you can roll long without having to put a lot of energy into your pushes.  Which is why when we were doing weaves I had to keep plowing to slow up when I was at the front of the line:  I’m used to pushing a certain way and that gets me going quicker than before.  Learning to slow my roll is gonna take as much work as going fast.

In the end I made it through practice–

I was on the new skates tonight. But did I die? #HARD #ROLLERGIRL #NoDying

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–and I was smiling for most of the way home.  Of course my shoulders were screaming by the time I reached my apartment–I had one good fall and that goes right up the arms into the shoulder joints–but ice packs and ibuprofen were made to help with that pain, so don’t deny your body that luxury.

Going to try a new restaurant tonight, then a few more days of rest before getting back into it on Monday and Tuesday.

Maybe by the end of the month I’ll be able to work on going faster…

Freshie 2: Electric Boogaloo

Just wait:  I’m not even ready to get into Roller Boogie jokes yet.

I may have dug deep to get the title of today’s post, but freshie practice on last Tuesday was anything but stale.  We got into a whole lot of different things and I’m going to show them off for you below.  Because that’s the sort of person I am.

First off, you get a couple of intros.  The first one is just me doing a date and time stamp and you get to see me remove my pink mouth guard, which should be exciting.  Or not.  Probably more along the lines of not.  You’ll notice when I skate away that my right bra strap is twisted and likely stayed that way the entire night.  I hadn’t realized that was the case until I actually watched this video.


And here’s the second half:


Now we get into the skating fundamentals.  We do eleven minutes of Sprint and Skate, which is skate as quickly as you can for one minute, then sort of coast along for another minute.  It allows you to work on your form as well as figure out how to get around the track as quickly as possible.

On this recording and others you’ll notice four little yellow markers on the track–and I should point out, most of the time when we skated we stayed inside what would be the regulation derby track.  At the beginning of this tape Ida shows us how to “skate the diamond”, which is the fastest way around the derby track.  As Ida points out, if you skate the diamond correctly, you’ll do crossovers around the track the whole way.  So throughout this video you’ll see everyone trying to get as close to each one of those markers as possible.

I’m easy to pick out: I set up on the left side of the video and I’m wearing gray workout leggings and a blue sports bra.


Now we play fetch the ball, which is designed to help us learn how to squat and pick up things while moving.  You may not think this is important, but during our last match in Youngstown our jammer lost her pantie–  Okay, let me explain that:

There are three positions in derby: jammer, blocker, and pivot.  Blockers are pretty easy to figure out so no need to go into a detailed explanation there other than there are three of them. The the jammer is the person who scores points for your team.  They set up behind the blockers and the pivot and when the whistle blows it’s their job to get through the pack.  The first time allows refs to determine who is the lead jammer–the person who actually controls the jam. That means they can allow it to go on as long as they like or they can and it whenever they feel it’s necessary.  Once they get to the pack the first time, anyone they pass from the opposing team after that scores a point for their team–and that includes any opposing team members sitting in the penalty box.  The pivot (and this is my understanding) can control the actions of the other three blockers and can actually become the jammer so that a team can take control of the lead.

The jammer and the pivot wear what is known as a pantie: an elastic cover that goes over there helmet.  The jammer pantie has a big star on each side, while the pivot pantie has a stripe down the middle.  When the pivot takes over as the jammer, the jammer hands over her pantie and the pivot puts it on.  See how simple that is?

So getting back to what was said the first time: during one jam our jammer lost her pantie, which you wouldn’t think is a big deal except a jammer can only score points when she’s wearing her pantie.  So she had to come around the track and, while still skating, squat down and retrieve the pantie.  Needless to say, it’s not a good idea to come to a complete stop and bend over to pick this thing up–not if you don’t want to get hip checked right off the track.

So that’s what we’re learning here: how to squat and pick up while still moving.  Kinda.  You can see a lot of falling down, me included.  You will also notice I’ve got the bending over part down pat, but I cannot squat for shit.  I know; I gotta work on that.


Now comes the real fun…

After we finished with their first two things Ida said she was going to have us do our 27/5s so she could get an idea of where we were as far as the starting benchmark.  What is the 27/5?  This is something needed for certification and it’s something every skater hates.

It’s simple: you skate 27 laps in 5 minutes.  If you need to work that out, it’s 11 seconds per lap, or 5.4 laps per minute.  It may not sound like a big deal, but it is, and it can actually be a bit torturous for some people. Actually, it can be a bit torturous for everyone.

We went in three groups of two.  Below is the first group.  Steff sets up on the left side of the track and does the best out of all of us, nearly breaking the five minute mark.  She also has the best form and does crossovers constantly through her skate.  You’ll clearly hear Ida give her time at the end of this video.  Ashley, the woman who set up on right side of the track, did 21 1/2 laps.


So we come to mine… I skated with Erica who gave me one good piece of advice: whatever you do, don’t stop, just keep going.  I had heard from reading that stopping during a 27/5 is really frowned upon, so this is one of those instances where you fall back on the Two Rules of Roller Derby, particularly paying attention to Rule #2.

I set up on the right side of the track.  On my first lap I bobble badly twice and you’ll see them clearly.  My form is really kinda crap, which at this point is to be expected.  But I make it all the way through and you hear my exclamations several times leading up to the end of this video, where I come up to the camera and tell you how I did.  Erica did 18 1/2 laps.


And right here we have the last set.  I’m over on the right side of the track timing, which is a lot easier to do than skating these things.  Both Jackie and Tara ended up with 21 1/2 laps, if I remember correctly. If not, I’ll be corrected and I’ll fix this.


And for the last event of the evening, we do toe stops.  These are simple to do: you skate forward, do a 180 transition, and go up on either one or both toes to bring yourself to a stop.  After bringing yourself to a stop we’re supposed to skate backwards, but you will notice I have a problem with that–as in I couldn’t.  But I am getting that.

You’ll notice I manage a one foot toe stop pretty well and towards the end I even managed to do both feet.  It’s not easy doing these on rentals, but if I stick to my schedule I won’t need to do them on rentals much longer.


After all the skating we went off to the side and did about twenty minutes of stretching. Yes, we do a lot of stretching: we had some at the beginning and we do a lot at the end.  As I’ve said before–and even joked about it during practice–it’s like were training for sport. And we are.  There’s so many things you have to know how to do before you ever allowed to get out of the course with the ladies and, in some instances, put on that jammer pantie.  And this is why we have practices every other Tuesday for the fresh meat (which is what we’re actually called), because it gives us an opportunity to work on her fundamentals without taking away track time from the vets.

Which means I’m not only looking forward to our next freshie practice on 11 July, but I’m also wondering what I’m going to use for the title of that post…

Rolling Away the Years

There’s no one reason I can point to and say, yes, this is why I wanted to try out for roller derby.

It’s a weird sort of relationship I’ve had with the sport. I can remember watching it when I was a kid.  At the time I was between a tween and a young teen when they used to show matches on the UHF stations in Chicago. Back then the teams were mixed, both men and women, and were about as fake as they got. I mean, it was obvious to just about anyone watching that the hits were fake, the falls were stage, and the wins were determined in advance.  My grandmother believed it was real, but I didn’t.

The thing is, I knew that there Had Been something real about the sport years ago.  I’d read stories about things that happened in the 50s and later find pictures, mostly of women who look like they’re having a great time, and often appeared in photos a bit bruised and sometimes bloodied.

To me, a kid who is both sexually and gender confused, it seemed like a lot of fun.

But through the 80s, 90s, and nearly 2000’s it was impossible to do anything concerning the sport.  Reason being?  I wasn’t quite myself, at least not the self I am today.  I couldn’t even watch Whip It, the ultimate fan girl movie on roller derby, until I could load it up from Amazon and watch it when I had a free afternoon.  In fact, I may do that again this week.

So ever since coming out as myself I’ve had an interest in roller derby, as in actively participating in the sport.  Big problem, however: I’m no longer a young person and my fear was I’d be competing with a lot of people who were in their mid and late 20s.  I don’t have the endurance I once had, I don’t have the agility, and I certainly don’t bounce back from an injury like I use to, so I was somewhat bothered that I’d be a flop.

But what I do have is an understanding that a lot of my past life has been built around failures.  And, frankly, I’m tired of being a failure.  I’m tired of having the same things happen to me again and again, and after failing so many times, you crave for that moment when you can place a check mark in the win column.

Now, because of my association with a certain person during the Clinton campaign, I was aware that there was a derby team in the Harrisburg area.  I also knew that this woman was on the team.  So a couple of times we met I expressed an interest in trying out for the team, which she encouraged.  I mean, she knows my age, so her saying I should come out and see what it’s like, that meant I should.  Of course, my biggest fear was I’d come out looking completely stupid–I even express that sentiment to her in a PM the day of tryouts. She assured me that I should at least give it a shot and if it wasn’t for me, no big deal.  But if it was…

I know. I’ll never find out if it’s for me unless I come out and see if it’s for me.

So that’s what I did: on 30 May, 2017, I got out my leggings, threw on a T-shirt and something like a sports bra, and headed out to the roller rink the Enola, Pennsylvania.  I strapped on protective gear, put on my skates, and got out on the rink–

I’m not gonna lie: I sucked.  I was out of shape; I needed to lay down; I was gasping for air at times; and it was nearly impossible for me to do anything.  But, I stuck with it the best I could.

At least I looked fetching in my gear.

But you know how they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?  Well, I didn’t die that night, and there was a practice the next evening–a legitimate practice. And if I wanted to continue I needed to show.  So I got myself together, headed out to the rink again, strapped on my gear and got on the rink. And you know what?  I didn’t suck quite as bad.  I did take three hard falls and had to lay down once, but it made it through practice.

Not looking as great after, but I was alive.

I was not only alive but I was sore as hell and had to ice down my right shoulder the next night.  I imagine ibuprofen and ice packs are going to be my friends for some time, as I have decided to continue with this.  I have a month decide if I want to go from pitching in my five dollars every practice to becoming a full-blown, dues paying member and work towards improving my abilities and even getting my own gear.

I’m away in Indiana this week and already I’m feeling a little guilty that I couldn’t hit practice last night.  But will be back next week, and for sure I will show up at Tuesday night and Wednesday night practices.  And the following week I’ll be at the Monday and Wednesday night practices.

And I’m going to keep writing about it, because if there’s one thing I learned it’s that keeping a chronicle your adventures are a good way to remember how you went from zero to hero.  And if I were a certain ginger kid from Cardiff I could imagine an incredibly old spirit telling me that a new chapter of my life had begun, but it was up to me to write that chapter. It was up to me to put in the words that described the experience.

Good thing for me I can do that.

After all, writers are good at starting chapters…

I Left My Dreams in San Francisco

The really good news is that with the exception of one little glitch last night my HDMI issues seem cleared up.  I’m keeping an eye on the sucker, but this morning I’ve had it running for a good forty minutes and haven’t had any issues.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but I hope I won’t have any more problems.

As for writing–the next scene has begun and in about an hour I managed four hundred and ten words.  When I say “In an hour”, a bit part of that hour involved looking at Google Maps and checking out a meeting location for Penny and Kerry, and the actual writing probably consisted of about thirty minutes of pounding away at the keyboard.  I should mention that I also spent a bit of time working out an Annie scene:  not the one that follows–that’s Annie and Alex meeting–but the one after, when Annie has a rather import meeting about her future.  No, don’t get worried:  it’s all good.

I also thought about the possibility of Annie and Kerry living up at Lake Tahoe at some point in their future and came to the conclusion that it’s all possible.  After all, the lake is only 150 miles/240 km straight line distant from San Francisco, which really means nothing when you’re talking about jaunting, but it also puts them within quick flying distance of the city if they wanted to take the scenic route:  both of them could be in The Castro in thirty minutes if they decided to take to the sky.

And where would the live?  I can tell you right now Kerry would have his heart set on one place:  The Fleur Du Lac Mansion.  What’s so special about that place?  Oh, you know, it’s the house used in the movie The Godfather II, and Kerry would probably spend the first year there pretending he’s Micheal Corleone.  Now, the property the mansion sits on is all condos these days, but the main 4,100 sq ft/380 sq m house stands all by itself and is a one-owner building.  The perfect place for some Foundation up and comers and their little witches.

You know Kerry couldn't settle for anything less.

You know Kerry couldn’t settle for anything less.

But… does Kerry really want to come back to this area?  Well, the last four hundred words of the last gives his answer–


(The following excerpts from The Foundation Chronicles, Book Three: C For Continuing, copyright 2016 by Cassidy Frazee)


Kerry wrapped his arm around Annie and held her close against his torso. “I had some horrible times at my old place, but there were some good times as well. The day my grandfather and I came here was one of the best, which is probably why this dream seems so real. But the best memories I’ll have of San Francisco—” He kissed Annie on the forehead. “They haven’t happened yet. They will, my darling, but not for a while.”

Annie kissed Kerry full on the lips and gave a happy sigh when it finally broke. “When we have our year of Real Life Experience I want to visit the city. I want to see everything here; I want to see where you lived.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “Most of all I want to see the tree where you first read to me—”

“And I’ll read to you there for real. After all, we have the same book now.”

“Yes, we do. I’ll make certain I’ll pack it.”

Kerry got to his feet and helped Annie to hers. He gave his dreamscape one long, encompassing look. “It’s nice here, but before I dream this again I want to come here with you for real.” He closed his eyes and the scene around them returned to multicolored fog and mist before swirling into place to form another location they both knew well. “I’d rather spend time here with you.”

Annie looked west along the road outside her grandparent’s château in France. “You liked it here?”

“Quite a lot. Maybe one day your grandparents will let us stay here.”

In that moment Annie wanted to tell Kerry of her dream of only a few nights ago, a dream that saw them inside the château, all the lights out in the house with them lying on the floor before the fireplace. That has to happen after we’re married because… She didn’t continue the thought because she was afraid she would affect their dreamspace and change the scene—perhaps change it too much.

The only think she allowed in that second was a smile as the memory faded from her mind. And I know it will happen because it felt real enough that I know it was a vision

She kept her eyes and smile turned upon her one and only soul mate. “I’m certain that will happen, my love.” Annie gave one slow nod. “How could they say no?”


So Kerry has made a promise:  he won’t bring up San Fran in his dreams until he visits the place with Annie.  He wants to concentrate on the now and the future and leave the past sleeping.  The château owned by Annie’s grandparents have made an impression upon him, mostly because he knows Annie wants to live in this area and he doesn’t want to say no.

And at the end we see Annie’s had another vision of this place in France, one where it seems they, you know, were married because they did that thing you can’t do until they get married and finalize The Three Bindings.  And she just had that vision–good thing it wasn’t a shared vision.  Or was it?

Well, this isn’t the place to think about that.  And besides, like Kerry, I’m thinking about the future…

Troubles on the Laptop Front

Yesterday, all my writing was so far away…

I lazed around all afternoon because I really did need the rest–at least I was lazing until I lost my video driver that allows me to connect my laptop to my television, at which point I had about an hour trying to figure out how to get it back, which wasn’t a lot of fun.  Then I was going to do maybe forty minutes of writing after taking my notes for Fear the Walking Dead, and I plug in my HDMI cable and get a picture on my TV, but no sound.  That took me about forty minutes–my writing time–to finally figure out to do a full-on reboot with the cable plugged in to reset the drivers and get everything back to where it was–

"This is not fun!  I could be writing about my kids being miserable!"

“This is not fun! I could be writing about my kids being miserable!”

So now I know the routine:  if I lose my HDMI connection plug in the cable, reboot the system, get the drivers back where they were.  Easy Peasy, as Pinkie Pie would say.  At least I relaxed, didn’t take a two hour nap, and slept through the night–though, if all the stuff I kicked off the bed and on to the floor is any indication, I didn’t sleep easy.

So, lots of writing tonight as we prepare for what a lot in the U.S. consider the last full week of summer.  I don’t ’cause it’ll stay hot for a few weeks into September, what what do I know?

Well, I know Kerry’s about to admit something–


(The following excerpts from The Foundation Chronicles, Book Three: C For Continuing, copyright 2016 by Cassidy Frazee)


Kerry glanced to his right. “You mean here? Or San Francisco?”

“The later.”

Kerry stared off towards the bridge. “I miss it more than I like to admit—and, at the same time, I don’t.” He sighed. “Does that make sense?”

Annie rested her hand upon Kerry’s leg. “Not yet, but I’m certain you can explain yourself.”

He nodded. “Before I came to school I missed living in San Fran a lot. This is where I sort of grew up, and there was a time—maybe about the time my grandfather brought me here—I figured I’d live here forever.

“Then you told me about the difference between a house and a home and how all the time I lived here I was in a house; I didn’t have a home.” He began bobbing up and down slowly, something Kerry did when he was nervous. “I still don’t have a home, but that’s another story—

“Before I met you face-to-face I thought maybe I’d come back here some day and maybe, I don’t know, get a place downtown and live here for a while.” Kerry set his left hand over Annie’s. “I never said anything but I, um, thought you’d be with me, too.”

Annie was surprised to hear this as it was the first time Kerry ever admitted he thought of them sharing a life together before they knew it would happen. “You never said anything because you were afraid of how I’d react, weren’t you?”


Right here is the first indication we have that Kerry Who Could Remember His Dreams–not to be confused with the kid in the A Level book who couldn’t–thought at an early age that maybe Annie and he would eventually, you know, settle down with The Chestnut Girl–whom he latter knew to be Annie–and, I don’t know, have a life together in the City by the Bay?  The stuff you wouldn’t imaging he ever thought about, but apparently did.  Which is why when he thought Annie was abandoning him, he completely lost it and blocked her out–completely.

No need to worry about that, but he makes an another admission he’s probably not said many times–


“I’ve always been afraid, Darling.” Kerry hung his head a little. “I was nine and had only said I loved you a few months before. Even though we’d both professed our love, it’s another thing to mention to your ten year old girlfriend that you sometimes imagined you both living together.” He finally turned to her and offered a weak smile. “We know better now, don’t we?”

“Yes, we do.” She raised his hand to hers and kissed the back. “Tell me more, my love.”

He nodded. “Now that I know what you would like and we know our future together, I don’t have the feelings about this place that I used to have. Do I want to bring you here for a visit? Yes. Would I live here if The Guardians had us working out of the headquarters? Absolutely, though with jaunting we could live at Lake Tahoe and commute every day.”

“We could, yes.” He understand that we can live in locations that aren’t close to our work.

“But as far as coming back to live here because I miss the local?” He shook his head. “I don’t need that anymore. The whole world is starting to open up to us and it’s ridiculous to think I should confine myself to this spot because my seven year old self thought I’d stay here forever.”


Now you gotta give him a little credit:  he’s thinking that if they ever work in San Fran Annie and he and whatever gaggle of little witches they have can live up in the mountains around Lake Tahoe and jaunt into work every day, then jaunt home when the day is done.  The reality is you can always live anywhere within a time zone or two of your place of employment and just teleport back and forth to work on a daily basis.  So, you know, they could both live in the Rocky Mountains and jaunt off to the West Coast or Chicago and be within an hour of either place.  It makes communing a lot less stressful, that’s for sure.

Even then, however, Kerry admits to being scared.  Not about fighting things that want to kill him, but rather his personal life.  And we’ve seen that a lot with him, and will probably see it more in the future.  I know we will because I know their future, and it won’t always be pretty.

So we finish up this scene tomorrow, I do my recap and a little writing tonight and everything will be copacetic.

Let’s just hope I don’t have any more computer issues.  I hate that.