First there will be some geek talk, and then I’m Bringing Back Sexy in an open and honest way. If you don’t want the sexy, read the two paragraphs after this one and bid the page Audios! No harm, no foul, and You Have Been Warned.
For the last few days I’ve found myself in some rather interesting conversations. Naturally, because of my geeky nature, and those of others I know, we’ve chatting up a lot of Doctor Who this week because it’s time to come up with another Doctor, and for us who are into this sort of thing, we like to talk about it. It also helps that BBCA has been running shows all week, so that gives us the opportunity to re-watch episodes that we’ve already seen a dozen times, and snark on about what we like and what we don’t like.
It’s been a lot of fun chatting this stuff up, particularly since I consider myself to not only be an expert on the show–because I’m old and from Chicago, which was one of the only places that used to air the show in North America in the 1970’s and 1980’s–and because I’ve personally turned a few people onto the show over the years and made them nearly as geeky as me. Nearly, I say. That means when the lowdown on trivia is needed, and information is required for aspect that elude others, I’m the Go To Girl for All of Time and Space. Just call me Idris, because I may as well travel around like that.
It’s a lovely diversion, but it’s not the only one . . .
‘Cause now comes Sexy Time. You want more? Come on in.
You ready? Let’s go, let’s go.
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There’s another conversation I’ve been falling into as well, and that’s something we, in the one group I’m in–are calling our “Sex Education Talk.” Though “sex education is really a bit of a misnomer: it’s more like the ladies getting together and talking about kinky-ass sex–in some cases actual kinky ass sex. It’s really been all over the place, particularly in the area of toys, which seem to get used a lot. I don’t have a problem with toys, or lotions, or wearing articles of clothing to help ramp up the passion and sensuality, or just the out-and-out Let’s Get Down and Bang This Gong feeling that’s gonna hit in any second now. Particularly this last, because if they’re one thing I love, it’s sexy clothing or night gowns, or even a bit of fetish wear if you can find some that (a) fits and (b) doesn’t feel like you’re encased in something unyielding. Unless that’s exactly what you want . . .
It’s refreshing to sit and read some of the things my lady friends have experienced, some of the wildness they’ve gotten into, and some of the advice they have for those who may be less experienced in this area. Because if there’s one thing we’re not open about is sex. Particularly these days, when you have buttheads running for public offices who say watching women walk around topless will lead to men becoming gay. Dude: projection is a total bitch. You should do something about that.
I haven’t said much about sex in the group simply because most of what I know these days ends up on the printed page. Sure, I’ve written erotica, most of which is pretty strange, and probably goes well beyond anything my friends would ever consider–unless it is their total kink to turn into a human-like centaur with the fully functioning genitals of both genders, and then have a couple of women get down on them. Then they’re right up there in my ballpark, ’cause that’s how my mind works.
I am happy to know sexy is alive and well with all kinds of people, but I’m also a little saddened because it’s not something I experience. Intimacy is something I haven’t known in some time, and likely isn’t in the cards for some time to come. That’s kinda of choice, and it’s . . . well, complicated, just like time travel. The reasons for it I won’t divulge, but needless to say depression played a part there, a singular lack of love played another part–and these days I’m so uncomfortable with my body that it’s difficult for me to think about getting intimate with myself.
I’ve had the “sex talk” with my HRT doctor. We’ve discussed the changes I’m going through, which is really nothing short of Puberty Mk 2. My doctor is also trans, so she’s been through the same thing I’m going through, and had some advice for “exploring,” if we wish to call it that. My reactions are decidedly feminine these days; stimulation starts in different places within the body than where they happened before. There are physical reactions now that were never present in the past, and with continuing hormone treatment those reactions will become more pronounced and intense.
I did reassure my doctor that I wasn’t about to go running around town looking to score because that’s never been my style. I’ve always been tentative about meeting other people face-to-face, and I’ve always been uncomfortable about my body and putting it on display for others. Even more so now, because with the physical changes I’m also experiencing the insecurity that comes with those changes.
While I would love to get a sexy night gown and feel good about myself, I’m afraid I wouldn’t, just because it’s hard for me to feel that way.
It’s taking time to get to the place where I’ll be as comfortable talking about vibrating rings and beads and schoolgirl outfits as my friends–though I really sort of see myself as the domineering Headmistress in the corset dress wearing her shiny black boots, so watch out, girls. That doesn’t mean I can’t write about it, and I have developed some good ideas that could turn into short, hot stories. And once I’m though with this monster of a novel I could just do that–
Or maybe I should jump in and write about a woman who spends so much time in a sexy crocheted body suit that she just can’t find the time to take it off–
Hey, you should hear some of my other ideas.