This has started off as a very strange week, and after today I have to say that can’t imagine it getting any stranger–unless someone picked up a contract for my book. Then my day would be made. Maybe tomorrow it’ll happen. One can only hope.
I’ve been working on my story, but it’s been sort of give and take. Not that I’m not getting in any writing, but as I told someone today my mind seems to be in a strange place when I write. When I’m working, the words come, they flow like mad. I can get scenes and conversations down quickly, and there doesn’t seem to be any hesitation at all in getting things worked out.
It’s just getting into the story . . . because it seems like my mind is cluttered with distractions galore. My mind is wandering like mad, and I can’t seem to get focused on the work in progress because of–well, therein lies a good question. After all the work I spent getting Suggestive Amusements finished, and Her Demonic Majesty edited and published, my mind is once again wondering, “Is this all worth it? Am I doing something that, in the end, will pay off? Or am I just fooling myself?”
I go through this every few months. You bust your ass to do these things, to move into a realm where you would love to be working, and it seems a constant struggle to get anywhere. I’ve had friends tell me to take it easy and keep doing what I’m doing, because I’m on the right track.
At the same time, I want to move faster. I want to get where I’m going now.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I’m just not good enough.” If you know anything about Dunning-Kruger effect, you know it’s not unusual for those who have the talent think everything they do isn’t worth a damn, while the Ed Woods of the world think they are the god’s all might shit when it comes to being the best. It would be nice if the overtly incompetent would just once say, “I totally suck, and I should let someone else do this.” But, no: that almost never happens. They continue churning out shit, and the rest of us bang our heads against the wall wondering what it is we’re doing wrong.
I have ideas coming to me all the time. I’m working out a story on my computer, and a world in my head, and at the same time I’m having images of a story coming to me as I go through the day–a story that I sort of mentioned in passing as a strange dream I had a few days back. It’s how it goes: these things happen to us to prod us onward to sit before the computer, or your writing medium of choice, and get this stuff out of our heads.
Once you’ve been bitten by this affliction, you can’t lose it. It will never let you go. One could give up writing tomorrow, and the ideas will continue to rise, reminding you that something wants your attention–
And it won’t stop until you give it due diligence.