Let it be known that I’ve been slacking off. Really, I have. I feel it. Because I’ve needed to slack off, to be honest.
One, I’ve been tired a lot. The last couple of nights I’ve taken sleeping pills–just one each night–to help me get through the night and not wake up at three-thirty AM with no chance of getting back to bed. I’ve managed to get some sleep out of these nights, and even though I was awake at four AM needing to use the bathroom, I went right back to sleep and woke up only moments before the alarm went off.
Two, I’ve been distracted of late by wanting to do things, be it watch TV, read, get out of the house and travel–anything. I’ve needed to change up my routine for some time now, and it’s great for recharging. Tonight I’ll go out and do a little grocery shopping, and when that’s over I’m going to stop at Panera, get something to eat–probably a big bowl of soup–and then set up my computer and write. I did this last week and plopped down a thousand words; I want to finish this scene I’m in, start on the next, and maybe finish it as well. Because I’m moving ahead.
And, admittedly, I enjoy the break. Which leads into–
Three: I’ve been feeling a lot burned out. I’m two hundred and thirty thousand words into the novel, maybe two-thirds of the way through, and after ten months I’m ready for something else. This is the doldrums part of the story, where you want to keep pushing, but you also want to do something else. You’ve lived with these people for so long it’s like having guests who never go away, and just like you want the Guests Who Wouldn’t Leave to pack up their shit and move on, I’m ready for another project.
Not that I hate what I’m doing, but like anything else where you do it over and over every day, it starts to wear you down. I feel that what may be needed is an adjustment of schedules. Set aside the time I need to do something, and do it then. I’m thinking Wednesday afternoon is going to become a new writing time for me for the next few months. After that I’ll find something else to help with the time.
My fear is taking a break from writing for a week or two. I’ve done that in the past, and when I have I’ve managed to take a month off and get back into things without a problem. Then again, I’ve also taken a break that lasted years, and I don’t want that to happen. Because I’ve got the story where I want it, and I don’t have time to take a year off from this project. Sure, I might be able to get other things done, but I want to finish this story.
Let me correct that: I need to finish this.
Because it’s too damn important to put to the side. No matter how I feel right now.